WOW, the pandemic has made this sentiment a real and ever-present part of our lives. We learned that life both at home and globally can change drastically in a very short period of time. We knew that intellectually, but now we have a visceral understanding of "not knowing what next or how."
It is a challenging practice in life to get comfortable with "not knowing." I feel like the older I become, the more I don't know, or at least the less I take for granted. Will my health/money/stamina hold out? What is the most satisfying way to spend my time? Do I have enough lifetime to do/be/have all I want? It seems that life is becoming more questions than answers. But I keep on keeping on, and for the most part, I am content with my daily life.
I took a leap into a dark closet of my life this week, with the support of my spiritual coach. The inspiration was the upcoming wedding and my dread of shopping for an appropriate mother-of-the-groom outfit. (See July 13 post.) What came barreling out of that dark closet was my mother's constant encouragement to eat more, while saying, "You'd be really cute if you lost weight." I was quite obese from the time I started 1st grade till my twenties. I was so heavy that I could wear only home-made clothes, so between that and my weight, I was (in my mind) a freak. Plus I had unconsciously taken on the job of keeping my mother happy so that she wouldn't drop dead like my grandmother (her mother) did, of a heart attack. So I ate and ate and ate. No wonder I don't like clothes-shopping!!!!!!! I am grateful to have made this connection, because with awareness comes choice, and I can choose to release this craziness caused by my mother's untreated addiction. I am ever more grateful for my choice to begin recovery decades ago!
Keep leaping!
Leta
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| We all have them, and I am sure I have more than one! |
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