I'm happy with my life as it is now, and I have this fantasy that it will continue on this way forever, and eventually I'll get to do all the things I want to do. At age 65, there is some urgency, but not with any sense of angst. Maybe there should be. Intellectually, I know that I could be off the planet at any moment. But I know I don't have a visceral feel for my ultimate demise. It is truly difficult to contemplate. I don't feel afraid to die, but I do hate the idea of missing so much fun with family, friends, etc.
I do feel as though I pretty much follow my heart. Life is good. I get to do what I want for the most part. I don't feel like I have to prove anything to anyone any longer. What do I think of as "something to lose"? My family is the biggie. But I believe we will be together eternally. Lose status? I have none already. Lose my health? I live/eat/move daily in a way that keeps me comfortable. Lose my varied jobs? I enjoy them, but I don't feel any of them are essential to my survival.
When I am in a crowded area, an airport for instance, I spend a lot of time contemplating people. There is such a blessed variety of folks, and each one is simply living as best they can with what they have to work with. I like the idea of "already naked." Can we all just get over the judgments of surface things that would divide us and simply get along?
Leta
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