The Surgery That Didn't Happen

     The best-laid plans...
     I did not have hip replacement surgery. I asked one-too-many questions via email, the offender question being one inquiring if there was any alternative to a (now I know "required") post-surgery drug. Eight days before the scheduled surgery, a woman from the doctor's staff (not the doctor himself, mind you) called to tell me that the doctor cancelled the surgery because "he is afraid you won't follow his orders." And no, I could not speak to the doctor. To tell you how much they wanted rid of me, I had my refund check from the practice two days later in the mail.
     I was stunned and upset, as I had been looking forward to the end of a nearly constant ache. Then I realized that it would not be in my best interests to go into surgery with any sort of contentious relationship with the surgeon. So I spent the day in a combination of tears and anger. On the bright side, the angry energy enabled me to get a lot of house cleaning done. I was also blessed with an understanding MELT/yoga class that encouraged me to practice along with them (rather than just demonstrate), and the practices calmed me down and restored much peace to my spirit.
     The next day, I decided upon waking that I was not going to let this sudden change of plans ruin another day. Peace reigns in my soul relative to all this. Some follow-up thoughts and actions include:

• I bless the doctor to do his very best for those he does operate on.
• It's comical that he found me such a risk, as I may have been one of the healthiest people for whom he ever did hip replacement.
• I feel compassion for the poor woman who had to call me on the doctor's behalf. What a crap job!
• I've made an appointment with another surgeon.
• For the most part, my hip has been feeling better since the cancellation. 
• I know there's a bigger picture here, everything happens for a reason, and I'm excited to see how all this unfolds. 

     Curiously enjoying the adventure of life,
           Leta

Our Reasons for Being Here

     I had an extraordinarily pleasant and profound learning experience this past Saturday in a four-hour workshop in Dallas presented by Esther Hicks channeling Abraham. (If unfamiliar with this, google "Abraham-Hicks.") Any experience listening to or reading Abraham materials leaves me feeling so loved and appreciative of my life and circumstances. Actually being in Esther's presence as she is channeling, however, is love on super-steroids.
     There were many wonderful insights that I carried away with me, but my favorite was Abraham's description of our reasons for being here. Yes, we chose to come into physical form for a triangle of reasons. The three sides of the triangle are EXPANSION, FREEDOM and JOY.
     Expansion is inevitable. It is happening all over the Universe. It is an eternal force that cannot be stopped. We earthlings are on the leading edge of creation, responsible (whether we like it or not) for the lives we create for ourselves. Everyone is creative, and our creation tool is our thoughts.
     Freedom is the foundation of life on Planet Earth. Everyone has free will, the ability to choose. There is always a choice, whether we like it or not, whether we can discern it or not. Like expansion, freedom is a given relative to Earth life, not something we have to make happen.
     So lastly, our big choice is whether or not to live a life of JOY. Abraham encourages us to take the path of least resistance, to do what makes us feel good, as evidenced by our emotions, which are our guidance system. Abraham's biggest challenge seems to be to convince us humans that we are supposed to feel good. When we feel good, our vibration is high, which attracts high-vibration good to us. So-called "negative" emotions are really only indicators that we are lowering our vibration and being resistant to the good that is always coming our way.
      One of my favorite Abraham quotes is "Our prayer for you is that you love yourself more today than yesterday, and more tomorrow than today." What a fine goal, to choose joy in this way. This is not selfish or conceited. Just think, if everyone on the planet loves themselves and feels good, would we have violence, discord, hatred, revenge, blame, etc, etc, etc? No. So let's do our part to uplift the world!
      Choosing JOY,
          Leta

Why Do I Write? My Ongoing Debate...

     I have published two books. While many folks say they have a book in them, that's mostly where it stays. I have actually gone through the "whole nine yards" of bringing two books into form. I should feel proud of these efforts and creations, and I do. I'm good with the idea of expressing my own unique voice--that I'm not saying anything new, but saying it in a way that only I can.
     I believe that what I write is a download from Spirit. Writing is a powerful spiritual practice for me. The first book I wrote was a surprise. I just decided to start writing on a nearly daily basis, and it developed into a book. The second book was intended to be a book from the very start, with very explicit directions from Spirit relative to the format, title and contents. I was even inspired to include my own artwork in it, which was completely "outside the box" for me.
     I am once again being nudged to write another book. This has been going on for some time, and I have a good idea for the theme, and even a start of an outline. Unlike the two previous books, this one would require LOTS of time and research, potentially even a "coffee table" book with color photos, an extremely expensive proposition.
     I self-published the two previous works, the first with PublishAmerica (now America Star) and the second with Amazon's CreateSpace. The world of publishing is beyond my comprehension. I have no interest in the effort and rejection inevitability of having a "publisher." Possibly that's my personal author defeat right there. 
     I lost money on the first book, and I would not recommend America Star to anyone. I've broken even on the second book, and I loved the CreateSpace process. These money statements do not count my writing time--only a NY Times bestseller could compensate me reasonably for that. However, as I said, I enjoyed the actual writing tremendously as a wide-open powerful connection with Spirit.
     In neither case did I write the book for money. I was spiritually motivated. However, it is so discouraging, ultimately, to put in so much effort and get so little return. Do I want to invest way more time into a way more pricey effort?
     I don't know if I can stand the disappointment of another mediocre showing. I'm not good or much interested in energetic promotion. Given past history, I don't know if I'm mentally strong enough to make a third book financially successful. I would also suggest that there's probably some limit to how many books a friend or relative will buy, just because they know the author.
     I don't write this blog for the money. It's just plain fun, and it doesn't take up a lot of time.
     To be clear, I am not afraid of putting myself "out there." I guess I don't get noticed enough to be criticized!
     I know I can create the time to write another book, should I decide I want to do it. I wrote most of the second book while immersed in a more than full-time job during tax season. It's also useful to remember that I could simply start with some "baby steps" and see where it goes.
     I suspect this debate is simply part of the process of testing my commitment and guiding me to ever greater good in my future. I do have faith in that. I also know that ultimately it does not matter one way or another whether I write a third book.
     So for now, the debate continues.
        Leta

The Blessing of Time Away

     This past weekend was the annual retreat I lead at Timber Creek Retreat House in Drexel, Missouri. The House is a magnificent place in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods and hiking trails, offering sightings of deer and turkeys and the many other blessings of nature. We did yoga and MELT treatments, enjoyed meditation before each delicious meal, and still had lots of free time for massage or whatever our hearts desired. We also had a release session where folks could leave mental, emotional or spiritual baggage behind. It's a time where you and you alone get to make the choice of how to spend your time. Everything is optional, though no one ever missed a meal!
     It is a time to fully realize and absorb the knowing that love really is all that matters, and love is the driving force of all creation. It is a time to absorb that we are never alone, and we are, every single one of us, dearly loved beyond our human understanding. It is a time to find inspiration for what's next in your life, or to simply gain a renewed perspective relative to your life as it is.
     I've led at least five of these annual retreats. I always come away with a heart overflowing with love, truly a visceral feeling in my chest. Prior to this year, I've simply seen myself as the organizer, doing what I do best, organize. But this year, I got it---that this is truly a powerful spiritual experience for those attending, that the group does not come together as a coincidence, and that I am the (willing) tool of Spirit to create this awesome, loving, life-changing event. I am so grateful to be used in such a way!
     Check out the tab above for information on next year's retreat. This year's group "demanded" an extra night, up from two to three, which I expect will at least double the peace, joy and love.
     Basking in the love,
            Leta

                 

My Canadian Adventure

     In September, I enjoyed a lovely 9-day adventure in Canada. We traveled to Montreal, Quebec City, Ottawa, Toronto and Niagara Falls. The country is beautiful and the people are friendly. I decided that the Canadians are way smarter than we are in many ways, health care being one, dedicated bicycle lanes being another.
     A common question is "what was your favorite thing on the trip?" While I enjoyed the unique flavor of all four cities and happily added a Toronto Blue Jays game to my MLB-stadium bucket-list quest, my favorite thing was a completely unexpected musical event. At the aforementioned baseball game, at national anthem time, an adorable red-haired boy took the microphone and sang both the Canadian and U.S. anthems a cappella perfectly. No sign whatsoever of being nervous! In front of thousands of people! I'm guessing his age to be in the range of 10-12 years. It was goose-bumping astounding, one of a small handful of truly profound musical performances I have witnessed in my life.
     This was another reminder for me to stay open to wonder, for we never know when or how we will encounter it.
     Lovin' life,
             Leta

Pain in the Ass and Elsewhere

     I am having my left hip joint replaced on November 13. As weird as it may seem, I can hardly wait.
(See my July 13 post for initial discussion of this long-term hip issue.)
     I met with a potential surgeon on Aug. 30 and everything is a "go." I like him, he will perform the anterior procedure (yielding a quicker recovery than the posterior version), and there was no question as to whether the replacement is necessary. Alas, with the surgery date scheduled, and having an end to pain in sight, I feel like my butt muscles (hence the pain in the ass) are hurting more than ever. I continue to use over-the-counter pain medications sparingly. I am regularly in the conundrum of "I don't want to move" vs. "I have to keep moving." No one activity seems to make the ache worse. It's just that some days and nights are worse than others.
     This leads me, during these six weeks prior to surgery, to ask myself, "What do I really want?"
     First and foremost, I want to go into the surgery with my body in a maximum state of healing ability. That involves several things. I have to keep moving, which really isn't a problem for me as I am very consistent at regular exercise (swimming, golfing, yoga, walking, MELTing). I don't have many travel plans or events in the next six weeks, so being home enables me to have more control over my diet, and I am committed to eating well on an ongoing basis. I may lose some weight, I may not, I'm not too concerned about that. I will enjoy it if it happens!
     Next I want peace of mind. This isn't just about not being scared going into surgery.  I want to be free of the self-criticism for allowing myself to get to the point of needing surgery in the first place. It's an easy, negative trap for me to fall into. However, when I ask myself if I would have done anything in life differently to try to avoid this, the answer is "no." I am spectacularly healthy overall, and life has been and continues to be good. It's simply time to fix the issue and move on. I am so thankful that it can be fixed!
     To support peace of mind going into the surgery, I'm using the methodology described in the book, "Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster," by Peggy Huddleston. It uses meditation, relaxation techniques and affirmations before, during and after surgery to inspire the mind-body connection to heal comfortably and quickly. It includes information on many studies that have shown these techniques to speed healing and reduce the length of hospital stays.
     Another thing that I want relative to this experience will be some help from friends. There are a few days after surgery wherein my husband needs to be out of town. Also, the surgeon told me that I would be on a walker for 7-10 days, and I'm NOT going out in public with a walker, so I will need friend visits to keep me from going stir-crazy at home during that time. I'll be OK with a cane (doctor said another 7-10 days after the walker), but for some reason, the walker just screams "old lady" and that's not me. The key thing relative to friends is that I have to ask for help, something that is not necessarily on my "easy to do" list. Fortunately, I'm confident that folks will step up gladly to support me.
     I ran across this lovely prayer by Ernest Holmes which I shall take with me on surgery day:

There is peace at the center of my being...in this peace that holds me so gently, I find strength and protection from all fear or anxiety. It is the peace of God in which I feel the love of a Holy Presence. I am so conscious of this love, this protection, that every sense of fear slips away from me as mist fades in the morning light. I see good in everything, God personified in all people, Life manifest in every event. Spirit is not separate from persons or events; I see that It unites everything with Itself, vitalizing all with the energy of Its own being, surrounding everything with peace and quiet and calm. I am one with this deep, abiding peace. I know that all is well.

     Closer to surgery time, I will also be contacting some friends and family members to hold me in prayer the day of surgery and during initial recovery. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer to support and heal. 
     To be continued,
          Leta

Pitchfork in Hands

     I have found that it is amazing what some folks will say to a person who has a pitchfork in her hands. One incident I could have blown off, but now it has happened twice. So with some ironic humor, I share these incidents here.
     In both cases, the pitchfork was for loading mulch into a cart to be spread around our garden. It's a dirty, sweaty job, but ultimately, it saves a lot of weeding.
     The first incident occurred when my older son was probably in the 12-14 years old range. I was in hot, sweaty, forking mode when my son stopped, looked at me, and said, "Boy, Mom, you sure have a lot of gray hair." With an exceedingly threatening "mom look," my reply was, "I have a pitchfork in my hands, and I know how to use it!" He high-tailed it outta there.
     Fast forward to last week, and the huge pile of mulch left in our front yard after having massive tree trimming done around our house. I'll refer to the offender this time as Fence, because it was the neighbor directly behind our house who doesn't take care of the place, and whose fence has been falling on our property literally for years. Her backyard is full of numerous noxious weeds that have invaded our garden and cause me considerable weeding effort. I feel much angst toward this person.
     Fence was visiting our next-door neighbor, saw me working on the mulch pile, and yelled, "Looking good, Leta!" My first thought was, "I have a pitchfork in my hands, and I know how to use it!" Fortunately my husband was nearby, saw the look on my face, and winked at me to diffuse my inclinations.
     Be very cautious when speaking to someone with a pitchfork in their hands!
             Leta