Thursday, June 20, 2024

June 20--One More Time

Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time. 
--Maya Angelou

    Here are words by psychotherapist James Finley in support of Ms. Angelou's wisdom:
It is in experiencing and accepting how difficult it can be to free ourselves from our hurtful attitudes and ways of treating ourselves and others that we begin to understand that the healing path is not a linear process in which we can force our way beyond our wounded and wounding ways. Rather, it is a path along which we learn to circle back again and again to cultivate within ourselves a more merciful understanding of ourselves as we learn to see, love, and respect the still-confused and wounded aspects of ourselves. Insofar as these wounded and wounding aspects of ourselves recognize that they are seen, loved, and respected in such a merciful way, they can feel safe enough to release the pain they carry into the more healed and whole aspects of ourselves.
    It is no small challenge to love the wounded parts of ourselves, "one more time and always one more time."
Butterfly in Legos at Botanica, Wichita

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

June 19--Some Say Love...

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.  --Xiaolu Guo

    I recognized this quote as a song lyric, and here it is: "The Rose" sung by Bette Midler and written by Amanda McBroom...

… Some say love, it is a riverThat drowns the tender reedSome say love, it is a razorThat leaves your soul to bleed
… Some say love, it is a hungerAn endless aching needI say love, it is a flowerAnd you, its only seed
… It's the heart afraid of breakingThat never learns to danceIt's the dream afraid of wakingThat never takes the chance
… It's the one who won't be takenWho cannot seem to giveAnd the soul, afraid of dyingThat never learns to live
… When the night has been too lonelyAnd the road has been too longAnd you think that love is onlyFor the lucky and the strong
… Just remember in the winterFar beneath the bitter snowsLies the seed that with the sun's loveIn the spring becomes the rose

    If you click on the title/link above, you can listen. You may cry. I did.

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

June 18--Your Trust Level?

Love meant jumping off a cliff and trusting that a certain person would be there to catch you at the bottom.  --Jodi Picoult

    This is a tough one to write about. I'm not sure I've ever had that level of trust in anyone. I'm fully aware that is on me, not on the other person(s). Being in a 12-Step program for decades has made me a much more trusting person, but I'm certainly not at the "jump off a cliff" level. I'm thinking that the sudden death of my Grammie (maternal grandmother) when I was four, my mother's subsequent inability to "catch me" when needed, and my older brother Ken's constant verbal abuse contributed quite a bit to my unwillingness to trust. 
    I am pondering that trust encompasses both physical and emotional safety. I have felt physically safe pretty much all my life. Feeling emotionally unsafe is another issue, and it goes way back and continues to this day. 
    Ahhh, yes, patterns do repeat themselves. Would my mother have jumped expecting my dad to catch her? Hell, no. But my dad would have been there, grudgingly, to try to catch her. Operating out of duty and out of trust are two different things. 
    I'm rambling, I'm done,
The world has plenty of cliffs to leap from...
this is in England.

Monday, June 17, 2024

June 17--Starts Out Scary

What wonderful thing didn't start out scary?  --Isaac Marion

    Let's go right back to the beginning--birth. If that isn't scary, what is!?!?!? It's a wonderful thing, but the little one goes from a dark, cozy, warm immersion in Mom to a world of bright light, giants and a bazillion new sensations. 
    I have gone skydiving. S-C-A-R-Y doesn't even come close. I'd say it was pure and utter terror until we actually stepped into the free fall, then it was wonderful. It became even more wonderful when my tandem partner and I landed safely. 
    Travel--scary to leave home, wonderful trip follows. 
    New job--can I do this? will I fit in? turns into a dream job.
    New hobby--will I look foolish? can I learn this? turns into hours of wonderful fun.
    Weather--scary thunderstorms bring wonderful rain. 
    Fear and wonder coexist,
This is me. Golfing has become
more scary than wonderful!

Sunday, June 16, 2024

June 16--HUGE Love in a TINY Package

We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.  --Rainer Maria Rilke

    Dean Koontz is an extraordinary writer of mystery and suspense novels. However, the first book I read by him was "A Big Little Life" about his first dog, a Golden Retriever. 
    This is a "big little life" story. 
    I have been seeing the same massage therapist for, I'm guessing, probably two decades now. I have followed her through several moves. I see her once a month consistently. For much of the time, she has been accompanied by the adorable pup pictured below, Lily. Early on, Lily was at the office with her, and she would be in her crate making adorable squeaking noises. It was always a treat to snuggle all 1-2 pounds of her. To look at Lily, humans would say she was handicapped. She had a leg issue that made her gait awkward, but it was no handicap to Lily. She went wherever she wanted to. For a while, Lily's mom, Susan, left her at home. Then a couple years back she started bringing her to the office again. I would go a little early so that I could hold and snuggle Lily. For a tiny thing, she had quite a bark and a feisty personality! 
    Last Friday when I went for my massage, Lily wasn't there. Something told me to wait till we were finished to ask. That was a good intuition following. A few weeks prior to my visit, Susan was visiting her sister, and her sister's dog killed Lily. What a horrid, heart-breaking happening!!!! Tears flowed. 
    I am always in awe at the effect pets have on us. It is ineffable. It doesn't matter if they weigh 100 pounds or 1 pound. 
    Lily, I know you are romping in doggie heaven, but we miss you! Big hugs and love to Lily's mom as she grieves. 
    Love up your pets--they are mystical magical bundles of love!

Saturday, June 15, 2024

June 15--What Really Counts

The only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.  
--Ted Hughes

BOLD            HEART           LOVE





Oh, to be as enthusiastic
as a dog going for a car ride!!

Friday, June 14, 2024

June 14--Life is a GAME

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.  --Neil Gaiman

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.  --On a t-shirt seen in Savannah

    Gaiman's quote is so true! Everyone I love deeply has messed me up multiple times, and I keep coming back for more. 
    I include the t-shirt quote because I have a "shits and giggles" attitude toward pickleball (PB). It's a GAME. I do not make my living playing PB. I'm 68 and I'm not that quick. I have to allow my enthusiasm to make up for my lack of skill. No ball is worth falling down for, so I avoid wiping out. Since PB is primarily a doubles sport, I hold these same expectations, virtually none, for those with whom I am playing. No one else needs to perform in a particular way to satisfy me. HAVE FUN! (Reread the t-shirt quote above.) 
    I wish I could take my PB attitude into all of life... practice, practice, practice!
Here it is...