This is a tough one to write about. I'm not sure I've ever had that level of trust in anyone. I'm fully aware that is on me, not on the other person(s). Being in a 12-Step program for decades has made me a much more trusting person, but I'm certainly not at the "jump off a cliff" level. I'm thinking that the sudden death of my Grammie (maternal grandmother) when I was four, my mother's subsequent inability to "catch me" when needed, and my older brother Ken's constant verbal abuse contributed quite a bit to my unwillingness to trust.
I am pondering that trust encompasses both physical and emotional safety. I have felt physically safe pretty much all my life. Feeling emotionally unsafe is another issue, and it goes way back and continues to this day.
Ahhh, yes, patterns do repeat themselves. Would my mother have jumped expecting my dad to catch her? Hell, no. But my dad would have been there, grudgingly, to try to catch her. Operating out of duty and out of trust are two different things.
I'm rambling, I'm done,
Leta
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| The world has plenty of cliffs to leap from... this is in England. |
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