Not in another place but this place, not for another hour but this hour.
--Walt Whitman
Wow, how timely is this reminder this morning! I went through another of my (weekly? daily? hourly?) bouts of irritation at pandemic life. Leta's little temper tantrum. 64-year-old adult throwing a fit. I want all this shit to be over. I should be in Colorado right now visiting my sons, hugging them with all I'm worth, playing golf with them, which happens to be my very favorite thing to do. I want to visit my older brother and other Miller family back in Pennsylvania and Ohio. I don't want my paid-for trip to Spain and Portugal to be cancelled. I want to be able to go out in public and not fear for my life. Yep, I want my old life back, at least some parts of it.
It's time for "big girl panties." This place and this hour ARE my life, now and forever. As I learn to accept my full range of emotions, tantrums are unavoidable, but unpleasant and unproductive enough that I don't care to hang out there for long. Wishing for other places and other hours takes my focus away from all the good I am experiencing right now. I also know that current circumstances are the uncomfortable birthing process of a new level of good. I am grateful that I do have control over my thoughts, and that I do have the ability to bring them around to the present place and hour, and all the good they contain.
Focusing on now,
Leta
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