September 28--Love Includes Grief

Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.  --Fred Rogers 

    As I have noted in previous posts, I have lost several family members in September, plus I lost my best brother this past April. A recent family situation has also piled onto my heap of grief. I know grief well. Here are some helpful thoughts on the subject from "Every Day Spirit" by Mary Davis:

• Grief demands our attention. It is important work that requires soul space. Learn about it.
• There's no timetable. It's a personal journey and you walk at your own pace. There are no wrong ways to grieve.
• Grief is not a linear process; it ebbs and flows, possibly for the rest of your life. Stay with the feelings as they arise. Let them flow through you without judgment. 
• Tell your story to a compassionate listener. Connect with others who have had a similar loss. Speaking your truth puts your experience into words and weaves the loss into your life going forward. 
• Accept the help of loving people who offer it. They want to do something for you, and you need the support. Ask for what you need.
• Working with your hands--knitting, gardening, coloring--can be soothing. Writing letters and journaling can be comforting. Exercise can be helpful. Extra sleep can be necessary.
• You are the guardian of your grief. Be incredibly kind to yourself. Set limits where you need them. Do only what you feel up to doing. 

    I repeat Brian McLaren's excellent definition: "grief is love persisting when what we love is passing away." 

    Leta

Life sometimes feels like a black hole...