--Benjamin Hoff
In my life, I can easily achieve silence after noise or a cool glass of water to drink. Emptiness, however, is another story. It takes practice. I mostly find it when I am completely spent emotionally, physically and mentally--when there's just nothing left in me. It doesn't fell like loneliness to me. Without my efforts to control, lead, organize, etc, it feels like I'm in touch with what really keeps me going, my spiritual essence. Even though Hoff calls it Emptiness, for me it is a fullness that I never knew when I was trying to fill that hole inside with food, status, control, possessions, myriad "feel good" things.
It is possible for me to feel Emptiness without being completely spent, but this takes conscious effort. My best example of this is how I feel after teaching Melt and yoga. I am energized, recognizing that something greater than me was working through me as I taught. Whatever is going on in my world ("messy mind") is set aside to focus on the teaching at hand. I feel spiritually connected and recharged.
I have the support of many dear friends as I navigate the pre-surgery physical process. I am one prone to self-righteous anger, and I have had too many opportunities to indulge in that lately. Friends are surrounding me in peace, I am feeling it, and it is helping to clear my messy mind. I still don't know if my heart is technically OK for surgery. I didn't get the answer when I was expecting it. This, too, shall pass.
Peace feels better,
Leta
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