Wednesday, May 6, 2020

May 6--Without Judgment

Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.  --Brene Brown

     It seems to me that we are having so much difficulty connecting these days because there is way too much judgment going on. Us vs. them. Whether it be about politics, religion, or ethnicity, preconceived notions get in the way of truly seeing, hearing and valuing others. Think of your most comfortable and satisfying relationships. Most likely those involve simply accepting the person(s) as they are with minimal judgment.
     If one is critical and judgmental regarding oneself, that carries over powerfully into all relationships. It's a mindset of "I'm judging myself, so you must be judging me, too." This makes for paranoid perfectionism, a maddening obsession. I've seen it many times in my coaching career.
     Another impediment to connection is the need to be right. It's hard to see, hear and value another when you know from the get-go that you are right and they are wrong. I expect most of us can recall a circumstance where we chose to be right rather than peaceful. It probably didn't make for a good connection.
     I'll freely admit that living without judgment is a challenging practice. Judging is easy. Accepting unconditionally can be very difficult. I like this option given by spiritual mentor, Edwene Gaines. When we see something or someone we are inclined to judge, just say "Isn't that interesting?" and let it go and move on.
     It helps to remember that we are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with.

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