Sunday, May 3, 2020

May 3--Remove the Mask(s)

Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.  --Oscar Wilde

     I love this quote, always have. Though it's a simple concept, it's not always easy in a world that is continually directing us to be something other than who we are. There's always some -er that we "should" be--thinner, smarter, prettier, healthier, on and on.
     Yesterday, in finally reaching my breaking point relative to pandemic irritations, I admitted to my husband that "I feel like shit." A 4-times-a-week lap swimmer, I'm at the point that my desperation to swim is enormously stronger than my fear of any virus. I feel useless, with my three main activities being eating, sleeping and taking epsom-salt baths. I had to cancel my Saturday online MELT/yoga class due to a heart-racing episode that left me too light-headed to teach. Those happen on rare occasions, and the timing of this one was "the straw that broke the camel's back." While most folks have added a lot of walking to their days, my walking is limited due to a hip that needs to be replaced. All this background leads to the fact that I finally let myself have a long, hard, soul-rinsing. I cried for a good two hours.
     This morning I'm working on re-gaining my positive attitude. I know I am not useless, it just feels that way sometimes. Nothing above is life-threatening. It all shall pass. I know that things could be much worse. I just know that for me, I have to let this stuff out periodically, and crying is a good way to do it.
     With puffy eyes,

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