--Haruki Murakami
I was pretty sick when I was holding so many secrets in my heart. Part of recovery has been to let those secrets out, and as a result, I got much better. I know there are still secrets in there. I can feel them. Fear keeps them lodged in my heart. One of my fears is growing senile and having no filters, so that all the stuff that I shelter in my heart blasts out. I guess if I'm senile, I won't care!
I believe we are born with our hearts wide open. Life happens, trauma happens, things don't happen the way we think they should, life isn't fair--these serve to close our hearts. Then we spend copious amounts of time trying to feel safe enough to let our hearts open the tiniest bit. It's a constant practice of safety vs. fear. If we are determined to live a good life, the desire to get better will spur us on.
Opening, one chink at a time,
Leta
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