July 20--Safely Home; Let the Healing Continue

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our natural lives.  --C. S. Lewis

From Father Richard Rohr:

Surrender will always feel like dying, and yet it’s the necessary path to liberation. It takes each of us a long time to just accept—to accept what is; to accept ourselves, others, the past, our own mistakes, and the imperfection and idiosyncrasies of almost everything. Our lack of acceptance reveals our basic resistance to life. Acceptance isn’t our mode nearly as much as aggression, resistance, fight, or flight. None of these responses achieve the deep, lasting results of true acceptance and peaceful surrender. Acceptance becomes the strangest and strongest kind of power. Surrender isn’t giving up, as we often think; it’s a giving to the moment, the event, the person, and the situation.

Our inner blockage to turning over our will is only overcome by a decision. It will not usually happen with a feeling, a mere idea, or a verse from religious Scripture. It is the will itself, our stubborn and self-defeating willfulness, that must first be converted and handed over. It doesn’t surrender easily, and usually only when it’s demanded of us by partners, parents, children, health, or circumstances. From the time we were young and according to our ability, we have all taken control and tried to engineer our own lives in every way possible.

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    The hardest thing I've ever faced is letting go of my adult children. The Rohr quote above describes me completely. I've had great difficulty with acceptance and plenty of resistance. This had manifested for me in a lengthy depression. My "decision" came at the beginning of this year, to live my intentions of 1) staying healthy and active, and 2) encouraging and allowing myself to be a happy human. Implementing this decision requires much prayer. 

    My efforts to simply be present and enjoy the family on this Colorado trip just completed were instances of surrender and acceptance for me. The process is not complete. There is still some emotional baggage for me. I remind myself of the 12-Step slogan: "we seek progress, not perfection."

    "Still crazy after all these years" (lyrics by Paul Simon),

        Leta