I found this interesting article in Psychology Today titled "20 Common Experiences When You Have Endured Relational Trauma." It's worth the read if this applies to you. Here are a few items that especially hit home with me:
#2... Early on, you may attach to a substance or behavior (or both or many) in the absence of having someone safe, consistent, and stable to attach to. And when stress overwhelms you now, you may revert back to your old coping mechanisms. You may feel shame for doing so. This is addiction.
#7...You know the states of anxiety and depression well. You live with these realities. They’re a part of you as much as the color of your hair or birthmarks.
#17... You can’t even remotely imagine what it would feel like to have a safety net underneath you. Your peers are swinging from trapeze bars with a big old bouncy net underneath them, waiting to catch them, and you don’t feel that underneath you as you swing. You’d give anything for that net.
Good food for thought.