Saturday, April 11, 2020

April 11--Me?

I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me. 
--Anna Quindlen

     I grew up in an environment where blame was the order of the day. Anything bad that happened was someone else's fault. That sort of mentality then requires someone else to fix the problem, which leads to endless frustration. There's no personal responsibility involved. I was also surrounded by lots of addiction growing up. Addiction and blame are a chicken-egg combo (which came first?) that makes for an extremely unsatisfying way to live.
     Might any of us be tempted to blame the coronavirus for our current stay-at-home, social distancing mode of living? Are we wishing it would stop so that life can change, i.e. get back to "normal"? Alas, how this all plays out is completely up to me--my attitude, my actions, my initiative, my willingness, my surrender. As I move through the stages of grief relative to this pandemic (see April 8), I'm learning that "resist not" is an excellent mantra. Going with the flow, sometimes even in hourly increments, staying present to today, is keeping me out of fear for the future. Yes, I get bored. Yes, I miss my friends and family. No, I don't feel like house-cleaning even though I have time for it. Having fully lived both sides of the blame-responsibility coin, I'll take responsibility every time. That's the position of personal power and successful living.
Where Are All the Strong Women? | Historian's Notebook  

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