November 14--More Gentleness, Please

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength. 
--St. Francis de Sales

    I am visiting my brother at his care home, and due mostly to recent falls, he has been placed in the locked-down memory care unit, labeled by my bro as "the prison." I love my brother. I would do most anything for him, even taking him to Walmart (for me that is true, true love). I cannot deny, however, that it is quite depressing to walk through the area to which he is confined. It's mostly older folks just sitting and staring. The staff is wonderful--they are magnificently gentle with these folks--and I understand that this is challenging work. I couldn't do it. Part of me wants to run away screaming, and part of me wants to move to a state that allows "death with dignity" so that I never have to be in a care home. This place makes a fairly quick death by cancer look like a sweet dream! 

    I am going to learn a lot over these next couple of weeks hanging with my brother, both about his situation and myself. Yesterday I took him to get his hearing aids fixed, followed by an ice cream lunch at our favorite local spot. He motored around very well with his walker. Today's mission is to take him for a new pair of sunglasses. Walmart may be in my future.

        Leta

Lavender, the horrid smell in 
most every care home

November 13--Bravery Is Earned

You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you. 
--Mary Tyler Moore

    Then I guess I can thank my late older brother for much of my bravery. He was my in-family bully. 

    Moving on, after my "brave" 1000-mile drive here, my first full day was awesome. I had a morning visit with my brother, and I'm pleased to report that he looked and sounded much better than I expected. I did a big grocery run in anticipation of doing some meal prep for my niece and me. I got soup ingredients ready to assemble and went back to my brother's "apartment" and watched the first half of the Browns game with him. Things were looking grim for the Browns. He was sleepy so I left at halftime. 

    I returned to my niece's house and assembled the lentil soup while watching the game. My niece expressed worry over the Browns' chances, but I said, "You never know, a miracle could occur," and we laughed. Well, a miracle did occur, the Browns came from behind and kicked the winning field goal with three seconds left on the clock. It was awesome! 

    We did our two-mile walk and celebrated the Browns' win and a great day with a bowl of soup, a beer, and a few rounds of Rummikub. We know how to party!! 😉😉

    Grateful,

        Leta

November 12--Arrived!

Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you, the thing you think you can't survive... it's the thing that makes you better than you used to be. 
--Jennifer Weiner

    I'm safely in northeast Ohio reunited with my niece. All things considered, it was an easy drive. 

    On my drive, I gave considerable thought to perfectionism. I was raised by the poster-child for perfectionism, so I have had very strong tendencies in that direction. Because of my own personal perfectionist "vibe," I have been fairly well surrounded by perfectionists my whole life. I have had great recovery in this area, but it still sometimes "rears its ugly head." 

    I've come to three conclusions given my experience with perfectionists. The first is that being perfect, it is totally unreasonable for anyone to criticize them. Second, given that they never do anything wrong, there is never a need to apologize for anything. Third, because of the need to keep up the perfect facade, they are extremely self-centered and lack interest in others. 

    I'm thinking that perfectionism is simply another form of addiction. 

        Leta

Threats of punishment or promises of candy later

create perpetual adolescents and well-disguised

narcissism at every level of Christianity.  --Richard Rohr

November 11--Over Half Way There!

Love is a possible strength in an actual weakness.  --Thomas Hardy

    I made it to Effingham--an easy drive on a sunny day. I was quite happy to see the giant cross. 

    I realize that this may really make me sound like a nerdy old fart (which I am), but on long drives I have been wearing compression knee-high socks. I am astounded at how not tired I am on the long drives. My body feels fine, rather than the usual feeling beaten up by the many miles. I certainly don't understand the physiology, but I love the results. Yes, they are a bitch to get on, but it is worth the effort.  

    Also, I highly recommend the audiobook that is currently entertaining me: "Nothing is Missing" by Nicole Walters.

    Today I arrive at my destination in Stow, Ohio. Onward!

        Leta

Time to get some colorful, 
less nerdy hose 😉

November 10--Making the Odometer Spin

Be strong. Live honorably and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on.  --James Frey

    Today requires strength and holding on. I'm driving approximately 550 miles to Effingham, Illinois. My husband jokes that it is right next to Effingturkey. I'm sure there are endless jokes on that town's name. It is the stop-over winner on my drive to Ohio because it also has a Culver's restaurant, one of my favorites. Below is the BIG landmark of Effingham. The cross is "198 feet tall and 113 feet wide, forged out of over 180 tons of steel anchored in untold fathoms of cement." It can withstand winds up to 145 mph. "Can't miss it."

    On the road again,

        Leta

I hope they don't call it
the Effingcross?!!?!

November 9--Daily Right

In a world as wrong as this one, all we can do is make things as right as we can. 
--Barbara Kingsolver

    I realize I am a bit "late to the game," but I love to play pickleball. I have been playing most of this year, starting at the YMCA as a complete rookie. I think I've improved. The best part is that there is a fairly consistent group of folks who show up on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and I'm getting to know them and actually remember their names. (I'm typically challenged by that.) Last week, circumstances were such that I was included in a free lesson by a very experienced player. Among the many tips he imparted was the idea of keeping a strong, stable wrist through the stroke, rather than flicking the wrist. Well, talk about a game-changer! I'm still practicing it, but it feels so much better, and (duh!) it gives me much more control over where the ball goes. I'm learning and I love it!

    Even though there are young folks showing up to play, I really appreciate how this sport keeps so many older people moving when they may not have otherwise. Pickleball camaraderie is a "right" thing. 

        Leta

The new pickleball center
at the west YMCA

November 8--Grief is Inescapable

Between grief and nothing I will take grief.  --William Faulkner

    I'm not so sure. Having spent the last year plus in grief in assorted forms, a little "nothing" sounds fairly good right now. I get the idea that feeling something is better than a numb life. But I have certainly enjoyed times of being numb, as in "stop the world, I want to get off." 

    I'm learning that aging and grief go hand in hand, as friends and family members make their transitions. There is even grieving associated with those whose quality of life is so poor, yet they are still hanging on, where transition would be blessed freedom. 

    I must say, however, that experiencing grief has made me stronger, and certainly more compassionate. Rough times make us appreciate the good times more. 

        Leta

Hope springs eternal...
this lily bulb planting project
was completed earlier this week