November 24--Many Thanks

Those who hope, by retiring from the world, to earn a holiday from human frailty, in themselves and others, are usually disappointed.  --Iris Murdoch

    We had a lovely Thanksgiving. My niece wisely bought the whole Thanksgiving feast from Bob Evans Restaurant. The work was much less and the food was quite good. The key thing was having most of my brother's family celebrating together. We played Uno till 11:00 pm. The competition was fierce and quite funny. 

    We are so blessed! No Black Friday shopping for this female; I'm headed to the lap pool instead.

        Leta

Most of the gang

November 23--Love It All

Do your best and trust that others do their best. And be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.  --Mother Teresa

    I offer here from Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation (Nov 19) a list of the great chain of being. This was the medieval metaphor for ecology before we spoke of ecosystems.

Link 1: The firmament/Earth/minerals within the Earth
Link 2: The waters upon the Earth (snow, ice, water, steam, mist)
Link 3: The plants, trees, flowers, and foods that grow upon the Earth
Link 4: The animals on the Earth, in the skies, and in the seas
Link 5: The human species, capable of reflecting on the other links
Link 6: The heavenly realm/Communion of Saints/angels and spirits
Link 7: God/the Divine Realm/the Mystery that creates a universe as such, which needs a Center, Source, and Ground for any coherence.

Such a graphic metaphor held all things together in an enchanted universe. If we could not see the sacred in nature and creatures, we soon could not see it at all.

    On this Thanksgiving Day, let us see the sacred everywhere, and honor our fabulously supportive Mother Earth!

        Leta

November 22--Weird Nurturing

Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you, because it will. 
--Cheryl Strayed 

    My brother and I have had conversations over the last few days about our family of origin. He is 16 years older than me, and my other brother was 14 years older. My older brother was gone to West Point and then the Army by the time I was two. He said that he never saw Dad drink much, and that Dad never encouraged him or supported him even though he was a high school football star. He said used to hitchhike home from football practice, a distance of about 15 miles. Mom and Dad were fairly poor when my brothers were little. 

    Then the surprise happened... me. That was, for three of my family members (Mom, Dad, my living brother), a wonderful event. Then the bomb landed on the family--my maternal grandmother ("Grammie") died suddenly of a heart attack. Everything went downhill then. Addictions went rampant--alcohol for Dad and food for Mom. Their relationship went sour. There was either angry yelling or vicious silence. It became my job to try to keep the peace, at the ripe old age of five. 

    I offer all this because, ultimately, it did nurture me. 

        Leta

The morning ritual was Mom counting 
and reporting the number of these
in the trash can from the night before.

November 21--You Never Know

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ... You must do the thing you think you cannot do.  --Eleanor Roosevelt

    I must admit that I like life to be fairly predictable. It's a control thing, I know. My visits with my brother, however, are reminding me of how little I can control, and how it's best to simply "go with the flow." I visited him yesterday morning, and while he was chattering on, he was making very little sense. He was convinced that since his usual Monday meeting was merging with two others, it was not happening, so he was NOT going. OK. So I left, promising to visit later. I went back at 3:30 and he was climbing into bed, apparently for the night, with his sense of time quite confused. That was my clear signal to let him have this less-than-stellar day to rest. I see that the level of care for a challenged person has to target his/her "worst" days, not the best. Thus the memory care unit is the proper place for my brother, despite the label of "prison" that he has placed upon it.  

    Going with the Tuesday flow,

        Leta

Giant oak leaves, the few still hanging on...

November 20--Courage Is Earned

Courage is not something that you already have that makes you brave when the tough times start. Courage is what you earn when you've been through the tough times and you discover they aren't so tough after all.  --Malcolm Gladwell

    I am currently taking a break from teaching MELT and yoga classes, which I have been doing twice a week for over a decade. I am using this time to ponder whether I want to go back to teaching classes in 2024. Right now I am leaning toward not returning. There is a part of me, less than courageous, that wants to know in advance how I'll replace that teaching income and what I can do with that free time. The wiser, braver part of me knows that if I simply "take the leap" with faith that I will certainly be offered new and good options from which to choose. 

    Yesterday my niece's group of close friends gathered to watch the Browns game. For the second week in a row, I predicted a "miracle" win. Then the real fun began. The homeowner has a complete music studio in the basement because three of the guys get together weekly for "band" practice. The studio includes a setup for karaoke. I was reluctant at first because I'm not a great singer. Well, it turns out that none of the group is going to be singing in Carnegie Hall any time soon. We had a blast! Singing, dancing, loads of laughter, the most fun I've had in years. I'm so grateful for how my niece's friends have welcomed me into their fold. 

    It's a good week for thanks giving,

        Leta

A tornado went through my niece's 
neighborhood recently, sparing homes, 
but not so kind to the trees.

November 19--Moving Beyond Fear

So please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren't afraid? And then go do it. 
--Sheryl Sandberg

    This question many years ago led me and a group of five others to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Our skydiving adventure was a huge success. 

    Fear... there is a giant group of politicians pushing more of this on us. This is not helpful and it is grossly unkind and manipulative. I am holding onto the facts that we humans are amazingly resilient and we are witnessing the "old energy" dying while "kicking and screaming." Alas, it can't die fast enough for me. 

    Fear... a week's worth of care home visits has me thinking that memory loss is contagious. I've thought of all the ways I could eventually do myself in so that I don't end up "in the home." I see my brother, a lifelong leader, with virtually no control over anything, which is totally frustrating for him. He is such a positive person, however, that he is making the best of it. 

    Fear... addiction in any form is a killing disease. My brother and I do agree on one thing: everyone is addicted to something. There is fear in recovery, plenty of it--it is hard work facing one's demons. But I also fear that untreated addiction will eventually ruin us and our magnificent Mother Earth. 

    I am currently in the process of answering Ms. Sandberg's question above. We shall see where it leads.

        Leta

November 18--The Rewards of Service

It's one of the secrets of strength: We're so much more likely to find it in the service of others than in service to ourselves.  --David Levithan

    I have gained much strength and enjoyment this week taking my brother to 12-step meetings. Though he and I have a different "substance of choice," any time with recovering addicts is inspiring to me. I also took him out to lunch yesterday. He told me some stories about his relationship with our maternal grandfather and all that he taught him on weekly long hikes through the woods. My grandfather was an invalid due to strokes by the time I came along, so it was great to hear stories of him being a vibrant, active man.

    One of my frequent ponderings on my care home visits this week had been this: I know my brother had a highly successful military career. He is a West Point graduate and an Army Ranger who did two tours of duty in Viet Nam. Then he had a good run as a stock broker. He and his wife raised three kids and mentored many grandchildren. I look at the folks around the memory care unit and wonder what awesome lives are locked away inside? I'm sure every one of them has a lovely story to tell, and they may never get told. It's another sadness of the care home experience. 

        Leta

I'm missing our sweet ultra-handsome Barney!