May 7--The People in Our Lives

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together--but do so with all your heart.  --Marcus Aurelius

     I'm not much of a believer in fate. I believe we attract people to us with similar vibrations, or those who have the resources we need, or those who help us to fulfill a need or learn a lesson. We are  continually expanding and growing, and the Universe is designed to bring us what we need to support that expansion.
     The trick here is that we may not care for some of the people with whom we connect in life. My older brother, Ken, hated me from the day I was born. It's a long family story I won't get into here. I was the target of his abuse his whole life. However, after much counseling, forgiveness and understanding, I see that he was probably my greatest teacher in this lifetime. I've learned a lot about myself and how I want to be from being subjected to his nastiness.
     It can certainly be a challenge to love some of the people you encounter "with all your heart." It is helpful to remember that each of us is child of Spirit doing the best he or she can. Using simple kindness in each interaction is a useful practice... to treat others as you want to be treated. I seek to keep all my relationships clean and healthy, making amends right away if needed, so that if I made my transition today, there would be no outstanding "issues." To me, that's loving with all my heart. And yes, it's a practice.
     In whole heart connection,
        Leta

May 6--Without Judgment

Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.  --Brene Brown

     It seems to me that we are having so much difficulty connecting these days because there is way too much judgment going on. Us vs. them. Whether it be about politics, religion, or ethnicity, preconceived notions get in the way of truly seeing, hearing and valuing others. Think of your most comfortable and satisfying relationships. Most likely those involve simply accepting the person(s) as they are with minimal judgment.
     If one is critical and judgmental regarding oneself, that carries over powerfully into all relationships. It's a mindset of "I'm judging myself, so you must be judging me, too." This makes for paranoid perfectionism, a maddening obsession. I've seen it many times in my coaching career.
     Another impediment to connection is the need to be right. It's hard to see, hear and value another when you know from the get-go that you are right and they are wrong. I expect most of us can recall a circumstance where we chose to be right rather than peaceful. It probably didn't make for a good connection.
     I'll freely admit that living without judgment is a challenging practice. Judging is easy. Accepting unconditionally can be very difficult. I like this option given by spiritual mentor, Edwene Gaines. When we see something or someone we are inclined to judge, just say "Isn't that interesting?" and let it go and move on.
     It helps to remember that we are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with.
           Leta

May 5--Your Best

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give.  --Eleanor Roosevelt

     We can kick and scream and rail against circumstances, but we will have no peace (and no ability to change them) until we choose acceptance. Then we move on to "the only important thing."
     "Always do your best." This is one of "The Four Agreements" as written by Don Miguel Ruiz. Our best is the highest functioning we are capable of at the time, and that changes from moment to moment. If you are ill, your best will be different from when you are healthy and vibrant. Your best will vary depending on whether you are well-rested or exhausted. Doing your best is not perfectionism, I repeat, NOT perfectionism. "Perfect" does not exist, not individually nor collectively. I'd offer that the 12-step programs refer to perfectionism as "the purest form of self-abuse." Contemplate that for a few moments.
     So we meet whatever comes with our best and move on with serenity. It's a practice, and a very satisfying and "clean" way to live.
     Practicing,
           Leta

May 4--"I Gotta Be Me" 🎵🎵🎵

Accept who you are; and revel in it. --Mitch Albom

     I'm pretty much an introvert. I have lots of friends and family whom I enjoy being with, but I really love my alone time. I crave it. I like being with me. I like me. 

     Who knows where my introvert nature comes from? Growing up with addict parents who fought a lot? Wanting only to be left alone with my own substance of choice and best friend, food? Being teased mercilessly about being fat? Needing to hide out so as not to cause any more trouble around the house? Who knows! In any case, I learned early on that I was just fine with and by myself, thank you very much. 

     Everything that has happened in my life has brought me to this point, where I can say that I am generally comfortable in my own skin. The shittier experiences have taught me understanding, compassion and how to forgive and make amends. My addiction led me to 12-step recovery where I learned how to live successfully without obsessive substance abuse. Without the obsession, a whole new world opened up to me, and I have been blessed to take advantage of many awesome opportunities in my life. 

     Maybe it's age. At 64, it's just not worth the effort to try to be someone I'm not. I don't believe I need to prove anything to anyone any more. My relationships are satisfying, as is the work that I do. I use my skills well. All this means that I have the freedom to revel in who I am, "warts and all." 

     I'm OK, you're OK, yippee!

            Leta

 

May 3--Remove the Mask(s)

Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.  --Oscar Wilde

     I love this quote, always have. Though it's a simple concept, it's not always easy in a world that is continually directing us to be something other than who we are. There's always some -er that we "should" be--thinner, smarter, prettier, healthier, on and on.
     Yesterday, in finally reaching my breaking point relative to pandemic irritations, I admitted to my husband that "I feel like shit." A 4-times-a-week lap swimmer, I'm at the point that my desperation to swim is enormously stronger than my fear of any virus. I feel useless, with my three main activities being eating, sleeping and taking epsom-salt baths. I had to cancel my Saturday online MELT/yoga class due to a heart-racing episode that left me too light-headed to teach. Those happen on rare occasions, and the timing of this one was "the straw that broke the camel's back." While most folks have added a lot of walking to their days, my walking is limited due to a hip that needs to be replaced. All this background leads to the fact that I finally let myself have a long, hard, soul-rinsing. I cried for a good two hours.
     This morning I'm working on re-gaining my positive attitude. I know I am not useless, it just feels that way sometimes. Nothing above is life-threatening. It all shall pass. I know that things could be much worse. I just know that for me, I have to let this stuff out periodically, and crying is a good way to do it.
     With puffy eyes,
            Leta

May 2--Free Will

Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. 
--Eckhart Tolle

     Because you did choose it, somewhere along the way, consciously or not. The very foundation of our existence is free will, our freedom to choose. No one likes anyone else messing with his or her choices.
     Non-acceptance puts us in a weakened position. We can't move ahead from a place we don't care for by focusing on our misery. I close with this quote from R. Buckminster Fuller: "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." Accept, create and move forward.

     Change is constant,

           Leta

   

May 1--And Now It Is May

If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich. --Lao-Tzu

     The theme for May in the "Daily Peace" book from which the quotes come is acceptance. We've had good practice at that for the past few weeks. As I have zoomed with family and friends over the past few weeks, I have garnered a sense that the above quote applies to most folks. They have survived, thrived even, seeing that they could adapt to big change and recognize the gifts that have come from it. To me, that is beautiful richness.
     To continue daily blogging or not? Some days I'm not so into it. I like the morning time in the woman cave with my doggie and coffee more so than the actual writing. But the creativity that has expanded so powerfully during the stay-at-home time is not something I want to slow down or lose. So I'll keep at it for now.
     I close with one of my favorite writings on acceptance, from the AA Big Book:

Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation--some fact of my life--unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept my life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Shakespeare said, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and woman merely players." He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God's handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God. 

Acceptance is freedom.
        Leta