Face your life, its pain, its pleasure. Leave no path untaken. --Neil Gaiman
It is said that we must experience the so-called negative emotions of anger, fear, anxiety, etc. in order to appreciate the so-called positive emotions of love, joy, happiness, etc. I find this to be true. There is significance in the contrast. It all leads to a fuller, richer life experience.
While I feel like I have done a lot of challenging things in my life, nothing tops the pair of child-rearing and marriage. Both have offered pain and pleasure in spades. Ultimately pleasure certainly wins in my case, but as anyone who has raised kids or been married knows, there are rough spots along the way. I can happily say that we have two wonderful adult sons, and today my husband and I celebrate 34 years of marriage.
I can easily say that my greatest anger, rage even, has been toward those three males. I can also easily say that there is no one ever that I love more than those three. We have traveled many paths together, and I don't regret a minute of it, pain or pleasure. For this, I am eternally grateful. "Wife" and "mother" have been my two most rewarding roles in this lifetime.
It is a rather unfortunate trait of human behavior that we rarely make changes when we are experiencing pleasure. It is usually pain, and plenty of it, that causes us to make worthwhile adjustments in our lives. So be it. All paths taken have their rewards, if we are open to seeing them.
Life goes on, a fact that we celebrate this day, Easter Sunday.
Rejoicing,
Leta
Sunday, April 12, 2020
Saturday, April 11, 2020
April 11--Me?
I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.
--Anna Quindlen
I grew up in an environment where blame was the order of the day. Anything bad that happened was someone else's fault. That sort of mentality then requires someone else to fix the problem, which leads to endless frustration. There's no personal responsibility involved. I was also surrounded by lots of addiction growing up. Addiction and blame are a chicken-egg combo (which came first?) that makes for an extremely unsatisfying way to live.
Might any of us be tempted to blame the coronavirus for our current stay-at-home, social distancing mode of living? Are we wishing it would stop so that life can change, i.e. get back to "normal"? Alas, how this all plays out is completely up to me--my attitude, my actions, my initiative, my willingness, my surrender. As I move through the stages of grief relative to this pandemic (see April 8), I'm learning that "resist not" is an excellent mantra. Going with the flow, sometimes even in hourly increments, staying present to today, is keeping me out of fear for the future. Yes, I get bored. Yes, I miss my friends and family. No, I don't feel like house-cleaning even though I have time for it. Having fully lived both sides of the blame-responsibility coin, I'll take responsibility every time. That's the position of personal power and successful living.
Leta
--Anna Quindlen
I grew up in an environment where blame was the order of the day. Anything bad that happened was someone else's fault. That sort of mentality then requires someone else to fix the problem, which leads to endless frustration. There's no personal responsibility involved. I was also surrounded by lots of addiction growing up. Addiction and blame are a chicken-egg combo (which came first?) that makes for an extremely unsatisfying way to live.
Might any of us be tempted to blame the coronavirus for our current stay-at-home, social distancing mode of living? Are we wishing it would stop so that life can change, i.e. get back to "normal"? Alas, how this all plays out is completely up to me--my attitude, my actions, my initiative, my willingness, my surrender. As I move through the stages of grief relative to this pandemic (see April 8), I'm learning that "resist not" is an excellent mantra. Going with the flow, sometimes even in hourly increments, staying present to today, is keeping me out of fear for the future. Yes, I get bored. Yes, I miss my friends and family. No, I don't feel like house-cleaning even though I have time for it. Having fully lived both sides of the blame-responsibility coin, I'll take responsibility every time. That's the position of personal power and successful living.
Leta
Friday, April 10, 2020
April 10--Fearless
Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. --Rabindranath Tagore
Being fearless was never as important and challenging as it is now, with a government that thrives on stirring up fear. The practice is self-serving, nauseating, depressing and embarrassing.
I was successful yesterday in my mission to donate blood. I figured that of all places, the Red Cross should be pretty safe. Right inside the door, a man took my temperature and gave me a face mask to wear. That was my first time wearing one. There was plenty of social distancing, and the whole process was quick and easy. Kindness accomplished.
I was delighted when the Red Cross worker told me that they are even busier than usual, having lots of first-time donors come in. While I have been donating for decades, and a little needle-stick is no big deal to me, I realize it can be quite a big deal for some folks. I applaud their bravery and kindness in donating.
Moving on to the second part of the Tagore quote, I'd have to say that for the most part, I'd rather just have the "stilling of my pain." Developing the "heart to conquer it" is a much bigger project. In my own life, decades ago I begged to be relieved of overeating and excess weight. "God, please let me wake up thin and stay that way." Duh. Doesn't work that way. Instead I was led to a 12-step program that has gently led me through the life-long process of developing the heart to conquer the problem. Stilling of the pain is temporary. The heart to conquer it is a life-long blessing. It is the brave and bold heart that enables fearlessness.
Appreciating the wisdom of the heart,
Leta
Being fearless was never as important and challenging as it is now, with a government that thrives on stirring up fear. The practice is self-serving, nauseating, depressing and embarrassing.
I was successful yesterday in my mission to donate blood. I figured that of all places, the Red Cross should be pretty safe. Right inside the door, a man took my temperature and gave me a face mask to wear. That was my first time wearing one. There was plenty of social distancing, and the whole process was quick and easy. Kindness accomplished.
I was delighted when the Red Cross worker told me that they are even busier than usual, having lots of first-time donors come in. While I have been donating for decades, and a little needle-stick is no big deal to me, I realize it can be quite a big deal for some folks. I applaud their bravery and kindness in donating.
Moving on to the second part of the Tagore quote, I'd have to say that for the most part, I'd rather just have the "stilling of my pain." Developing the "heart to conquer it" is a much bigger project. In my own life, decades ago I begged to be relieved of overeating and excess weight. "God, please let me wake up thin and stay that way." Duh. Doesn't work that way. Instead I was led to a 12-step program that has gently led me through the life-long process of developing the heart to conquer the problem. Stilling of the pain is temporary. The heart to conquer it is a life-long blessing. It is the brave and bold heart that enables fearlessness.
Appreciating the wisdom of the heart,
Leta
Thursday, April 9, 2020
April 9--Be Even More Kind
Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. --Kahlil Gibran
Knowing we are all in this pandemic thing together, I believe that it has made us kinder humans in general. With such limited social interactions, each one becomes an opportunity to truly appreciate the people involved. We note what others bring to us, be it companionship, friendship, family ties, or service. There are so many folks who are working very hard to maintain even a slight bit of "normal" in our lives, and they deserve all the kindness we can offer, and then some.
You know the phenomenon that around Christmas time, folks tend to be nicer and then after Christmas, we go back to our usual selves. My hope is that this pandemic time permanently embeds kindness in our interactions, even encourages creativity relative to more ways to be kind, so that we don't drift backwards. We can't have too much kindness in the world. May we come through this bizarre time in history as much kinder, and therefore much stronger, humans.
How can you expand kindness in our world today? My mission is to donate blood.
Leta
Knowing we are all in this pandemic thing together, I believe that it has made us kinder humans in general. With such limited social interactions, each one becomes an opportunity to truly appreciate the people involved. We note what others bring to us, be it companionship, friendship, family ties, or service. There are so many folks who are working very hard to maintain even a slight bit of "normal" in our lives, and they deserve all the kindness we can offer, and then some.
You know the phenomenon that around Christmas time, folks tend to be nicer and then after Christmas, we go back to our usual selves. My hope is that this pandemic time permanently embeds kindness in our interactions, even encourages creativity relative to more ways to be kind, so that we don't drift backwards. We can't have too much kindness in the world. May we come through this bizarre time in history as much kinder, and therefore much stronger, humans.
How can you expand kindness in our world today? My mission is to donate blood.
Leta
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
April 8--Strong Enough to Grieve
Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength. --Henry Ward Beecher
I don't believe in coincidence. Therefore, since there have been several times in the past few days that the topic of grief has appeared before me, I feel it's time to address it here. Grieving fully and freely, is, in my opinion, the right use of strength.
One phrase I remember hearing often from my mother was "it's never so bad that it couldn't be worse." While that's likely true in so many instances, this mentality is used to discount one's feelings of grief, which is not helpful. We must grieve. We must experience the various feelings and release them. Failure to do so encrusts stuck energy in our bodies, and stuck grief tends to hang in the lungs, exactly what we do not need at this time.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of the grieving process: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. In light of the current pandemic, it is a valuable exercise to look at one's own path, winding though it may be, through these stages. I've hit 'em all. I really played the ostrich role at first, with the admittedly-silly belief that if I don't read the scary news, things won't get that bad. Denial at its finest, broken only by my younger son's extreme alarm. I've had loads of anger and depression, which seem intimately linked within me. Closing of the YMCAs, thus losing my ability to swim, and no March Madness and baseball ripped at my very reason for living. (See previous posts--I truly live for Opening Day of baseball season.) I try to keep my thoughts from going there, but not knowing when I'll get to see my kids again really can rev up the anger and depression. Bargaining happens each time I step out of the house--is this errand worth the risk? On a humorous note, I've decided that picking up my vacuum from the repair shop probably is not worth the risk 😀😀😀. And finally, we land at acceptance. I'm not sure where I'm at on this stage. It feels like there's no choice but to accept the situation. For the most part, I feel like I'm making the best of it on a one-day-at-a-time basis. Acceptance is more likely for me if I don't peer too far off into the what-if future. Also, I remind myself that just because I accept something does not mean I have to like it.
David Kessler, who worked with Kubler-Ross, added a sixth stage: finding meaning. This generally does not happen when we are in the midst of grieving. While I have faith that meaning will come of all this, I'm not able to articulate that now. And finding blessings in the current situation to stuff down grief is not "finding meaning."
Our lives will never be the same again. Seeing what I've so far lost has made me realize that my life was damn-near perfect before this pandemic hit. I miss my former life. I grieve for it. We humans are resilient, and I'm holding on to the faith that this crisis will make us even better humans. We will find meaning as time marches on.
If you'd like to hear more from Mr. Kessler, Brene Brown does a podcast interviewing him that is well worth the listening time: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/david-kessler-and-brene-on-grief-and-finding-meaning/
Riding the emotional grief roller-coaster,
Leta
I don't believe in coincidence. Therefore, since there have been several times in the past few days that the topic of grief has appeared before me, I feel it's time to address it here. Grieving fully and freely, is, in my opinion, the right use of strength.
One phrase I remember hearing often from my mother was "it's never so bad that it couldn't be worse." While that's likely true in so many instances, this mentality is used to discount one's feelings of grief, which is not helpful. We must grieve. We must experience the various feelings and release them. Failure to do so encrusts stuck energy in our bodies, and stuck grief tends to hang in the lungs, exactly what we do not need at this time.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of the grieving process: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. In light of the current pandemic, it is a valuable exercise to look at one's own path, winding though it may be, through these stages. I've hit 'em all. I really played the ostrich role at first, with the admittedly-silly belief that if I don't read the scary news, things won't get that bad. Denial at its finest, broken only by my younger son's extreme alarm. I've had loads of anger and depression, which seem intimately linked within me. Closing of the YMCAs, thus losing my ability to swim, and no March Madness and baseball ripped at my very reason for living. (See previous posts--I truly live for Opening Day of baseball season.) I try to keep my thoughts from going there, but not knowing when I'll get to see my kids again really can rev up the anger and depression. Bargaining happens each time I step out of the house--is this errand worth the risk? On a humorous note, I've decided that picking up my vacuum from the repair shop probably is not worth the risk 😀😀😀. And finally, we land at acceptance. I'm not sure where I'm at on this stage. It feels like there's no choice but to accept the situation. For the most part, I feel like I'm making the best of it on a one-day-at-a-time basis. Acceptance is more likely for me if I don't peer too far off into the what-if future. Also, I remind myself that just because I accept something does not mean I have to like it.
David Kessler, who worked with Kubler-Ross, added a sixth stage: finding meaning. This generally does not happen when we are in the midst of grieving. While I have faith that meaning will come of all this, I'm not able to articulate that now. And finding blessings in the current situation to stuff down grief is not "finding meaning."
Our lives will never be the same again. Seeing what I've so far lost has made me realize that my life was damn-near perfect before this pandemic hit. I miss my former life. I grieve for it. We humans are resilient, and I'm holding on to the faith that this crisis will make us even better humans. We will find meaning as time marches on.
If you'd like to hear more from Mr. Kessler, Brene Brown does a podcast interviewing him that is well worth the listening time: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/david-kessler-and-brene-on-grief-and-finding-meaning/
Riding the emotional grief roller-coaster,
Leta
Tuesday, April 7, 2020
April 7--Ready?
Great people do things before they're ready. They do things before they know they can do it. --Amy Poehler
Right now we are all great. Think back a few months. As 2020 started, we would have never dreamed that we could do a complete upside-down turn of our lives. We certainly weren't ready for what has transpired, yet here we are, doing what's required to be a global community saving as many lives as possible. We are all great.
Certainly the hardest thing I've ever done was Forrest Yoga teacher training, a 30-days-straight, 12-hour-days grueling experience, far from home. Fortunately, I did not know what I was getting myself into. I did not know if I could do it, but I took the leap anyway. I was tempted to quit and come home many times, but I comforted myself with the mantra, "One minute closer to home." Completing that training, I felt like a rock star. I was ready to give out autographs. It turned out to be one of the most rewarding learning experiences of my life.
Tomorrow's topic will be grief and grieving. Can we do it? We need to, ready or not. Our former lives are no longer...
Rock on,
Leta
Right now we are all great. Think back a few months. As 2020 started, we would have never dreamed that we could do a complete upside-down turn of our lives. We certainly weren't ready for what has transpired, yet here we are, doing what's required to be a global community saving as many lives as possible. We are all great.
Certainly the hardest thing I've ever done was Forrest Yoga teacher training, a 30-days-straight, 12-hour-days grueling experience, far from home. Fortunately, I did not know what I was getting myself into. I did not know if I could do it, but I took the leap anyway. I was tempted to quit and come home many times, but I comforted myself with the mantra, "One minute closer to home." Completing that training, I felt like a rock star. I was ready to give out autographs. It turned out to be one of the most rewarding learning experiences of my life.
Tomorrow's topic will be grief and grieving. Can we do it? We need to, ready or not. Our former lives are no longer...
Rock on,
Leta
Monday, April 6, 2020
April 6--Truth
Always go too far, because that's where you'll find the truth. --Albert Camus
I'm not sure I get this quote. Keep pushing, seeking, searching until you find the truth? In any case, I have some thoughts relative to truth.
A key point I remember from many hours of teaching by Dr. Chris Michaels is that the truth will always come out. It may take some time, it may be an uncomfortable process, but the truth always wins.
The big thing that bubbles up for me relative to the word "truth" is that many folks live with a very strong conviction that because they believe something, it is the Truth. We all have our beliefs, and let's be honest, they could all be totally off-base relative to the Truth. One example is slavery. There was a time when people believed that such a practice was right and true. Then our human consciousness evolved beyond that "truth." We are (please, dear God) moving past the belief, some would say truth, that LGBTQ folks are inherently "less than" straight folks. Any prejudiced belief can be flung out as "truth," but love will always ultimately win over the falsehood of that belief. We need look no further than myriad modern-day religions, each with its own set of beliefs, claiming "we have the Truth and you don't."
He said, "The weirder the better," so there you have it--the Tasmanian Devil, which I jokingly said will probably keep all the other "elderly" folks away from him at the grocery store.
Let's not take ourselves (and our truth) too seriously.
Leta
I'm not sure I get this quote. Keep pushing, seeking, searching until you find the truth? In any case, I have some thoughts relative to truth.
A key point I remember from many hours of teaching by Dr. Chris Michaels is that the truth will always come out. It may take some time, it may be an uncomfortable process, but the truth always wins.
The big thing that bubbles up for me relative to the word "truth" is that many folks live with a very strong conviction that because they believe something, it is the Truth. We all have our beliefs, and let's be honest, they could all be totally off-base relative to the Truth. One example is slavery. There was a time when people believed that such a practice was right and true. Then our human consciousness evolved beyond that "truth." We are (please, dear God) moving past the belief, some would say truth, that LGBTQ folks are inherently "less than" straight folks. Any prejudiced belief can be flung out as "truth," but love will always ultimately win over the falsehood of that belief. We need look no further than myriad modern-day religions, each with its own set of beliefs, claiming "we have the Truth and you don't."
================================================
Switching gears, how is stay-at-home life going? The truth is, quite well. Squirrel! What a common creature, so much so that we rarely pay attention to them. While walking at Sedgwick County Park yesterday morning, my husband, dog and I saw a white squirrel. Not albino, just mostly white. How very interesting nature can be! Later in the day, I got outside and washed my car, a much-needed chore completed on a lovely spring afternoon. I also sewed a face mask for my husband...
He said, "The weirder the better," so there you have it--the Tasmanian Devil, which I jokingly said will probably keep all the other "elderly" folks away from him at the grocery store.
Let's not take ourselves (and our truth) too seriously.
Leta
If our truth does not set us free, it is not truth at all. --Richard Rohr
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)