Friday, May 2, 2014

"We will not regret the past nor nor wish to shut the door on it."

     This blog title is one of the Promises of Recovery from the AA Big Book.
     I was given the assignment in my Self Mastery Project group to write my "Once Upon a Time" story. This fits well with the title--my story is where I came from and what's shaped me, and I've released the trauma of it, yet I appreciate the person I've come to be. I wouldn't be who I am without it!
     So here's what I wrote: Once upon a time a princess was born into a family of chaos--Mom, Dad, Arlie (age 16), Ken (age 14). Mom, Dad and Arlie adored her. Ken spent his whole life crazy jealous of her, and spent his first four years with her being as abusive as possible. Eventually the physical abuse stopped (I bit him!), but the verbal and emotional abuse continued. My family's most consistent behavior was substance abuse--food, cigarettes, alcohol. Food = love, and I became a food addict. My grandma (Mom's mother) died suddenly of a heart attack when I was four years old, and I lived in terror that my mom would die. I was fat all my school years, and bullied and teased because of it. My way to excel was good grades-- valedictorian, then college and MBA degrees. Mom and Dad had a "we live in the same house, but really can't stand each other" relationship, insanely passive aggressive. Mom died of cancer when I left home. Yes, there is a connection--I was her last reason to live. THAT was a big load of baggage to release! Weight and food issues have been part of my whole life. My spiritual journey began in earnest in 1988 with a 12-step program and Unity Church. From the bottom I hit in 1987, my life has improved by quantum leaps, and I love my life, all of it!
     Thanking Spirit continuously for excellent life guidance!

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