Well, we are where we are. Over there, I am healed and my life is back to "normal." Right here, I am still impatiently struggling with stretching, strengthening and stamina.
I have written about the book I am reading, "The Body Keeps The Score," by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. It has been truly enlightening in helping me understand why I am the way I am. It is clear that my life-long means of coping has been to numb out. Having a mother who was an excellent cook, I used food to accomplish the numbness for many, many years. When something upset me, I learned to pack up those feelings, put them away (in my body), and move on. Literally and figuratively, the weight piled on.
The question that goes along with numbing out is then what makes the numbed-out person feel alive. For me, the things that enliven me are gardening and painting, i.e. creative pursuits, and swimming and pickleball--physical movement. Another powerful question offered in the book is whether pain is necessary to feel alive. Geez, I hope not, but that has certainly been the case over the past six months.
More to come,
Leta
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| The exuberant sunflowers in my garden |
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