September 7--New Insights

The body keeps the score.  --Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

    I'm reading the book pictured below. Holy cow! I'm about a third of the way through it. It is helping me understand myself in very interesting new ways. 

    "Over the years our research team has repeatedly found that chronic emotional abuse and neglect can be just as devastating as physical abuse and sexual molestation." (pg. 89) I am so thankful that this book looks at both. I was not physically or sexually abused, but I certainly experienced chronic emotional abuse (brother) and neglect (Mother). I am sure my Mother would completely freak at the idea that I felt neglected, but her mother died suddenly when I was 4 or 5 years old, and things were never the same after that. She was very close to her mother, the circumstances around her mother's passing caused a huge rift in my parents' marriage, and it was "downhill" from there. 

    One idea discussed is the "inevitable rage of helplessness. Rage that has nowhere to go is redirected against the self, in the form of depression, self-hatred, and self-destructive actions." (pg. 136) Having an excellent cook as my mother, the conditions were perfect for me to eat myself into oblivion, leading to self-hatred and depression. This also clarifies the root of my seemingly bottomless pit of extreme anger. 

    More shall be revealed, and I'm warily looking forward to it!

        Leta

September 6--Why Not a Department of Peace?

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. 
--Albert Schweitzer

    I wrote a harsh post about our current political landscape and decided to delete it. 

    I am choosing not to add to the over-abundant negativity that is already out there.

    Those of us who still believe in lovingkindness must double-down on our efforts to be decent human beings. 

        Leta

"Peace" by Laura Barbosa

September 5--Grateful for Inspiration

All of our life lessons are woven together into the fabric of our courageous hearts.
--Mary Davis

    I get discouraged with my recovery sometimes. When I wake in the morning, the first move I make hurts. And so it begins. 

    I recently saw a former co-worker (I'll call Penelope) whom I had not seen in several months. A long-ago car accident left her in constant pain and mobility-challenged, and a couple of falls had put her in a wheelchair awaiting yet another surgery. When I saw her, next to her was a walker, not a wheelchair. Against all odds, she is walking again!!! That was the big dose of motivation I needed. If Penelope can do it, I can do it. 

    Keep moving!

        Leta

This is what slow recovery feels like...

September 4--My Sonshines

Be still and believe the perfect plan is unfolding for you.  --Mary Davis

    Up until a few months ago, our two sons have always lived in close proximity to each other. Now one has moved to Minnesota leaving the other in Colorado. I have decided to call the Colorado son more often even though he rarely answers. I simply want to hear his voice more frequently. We chatted last night about a rather significant decision he is considering. He said, "Don't worry, Mom, I am not making a hasty decision. This will take as long as it takes for Dad to buy another vehicle." I nearly peed myself laughing. Does he know his dad well or what!??! 

    I am grateful for sons who make me laugh!

        Leta

Barney has the "be still" part perfected! 😍

September 3--Gardens and Houseplants

God feels it when we notice beauty. When we notice beauty, we are grateful. 
--Mary Davis

    One of the labels I would happily give myself is "gardener." I was a Master Gardener at one time, but family commitments pulled me away from that program. Though I did not appreciate my mother's gardening wisdom when I was a youngster, I'm happy to report that in some cosmic way, much of her knowledge has come through to me over the years.

    Temperatures have cooled enough for me to want to tackle the very-much-needed cleanup in my garden. I spent time the past two afternoons clearing vines and tree seedlings that have invaded from neighbors' yards. This is the sort of necessary work wherein all one's efforts go into the trash. I did take a moment to notice how the vincas are flowering with wild abandon. Usually they are fried by now, but we have had just enough rain to keep them blooming. The next mission is to tidy the sunflower patch which has gone rather wild.

    Below is the newest addition to the window garden in my woman cave. I managed to kill its predecessor, so I'm hoping this one is a bit more forgiving. I'm not sure I got a lot of my mother's houseplant knowledge, as my track record with houseplants is a bit "iffy." 

    Enjoy some vegetation today!

        Leta

September 2--September--Up? Down? Neutral?

A walk in nature walks the soul back home.  --Mary Davis

    September kind of snuck up on me, with the 1st being the Labor Day holiday. September has been quite the "mixed bag" in my life. Births of my awesome great-nephews and grandson and birthdays of some of my best buds, plus generally lower temperatures, are high points. Both my parents passed on September 24, 21 years apart. (Yes, it is an extremely weird fluke that they died on the same date.) For assorted reasons, this has often been a month of personal depression. Maybe I just think September is in the way because I really want to get to my birthday month of October. Although I do start celebrating in the ninth month with a bottomless pitcher of margaritas while my spouse is away on a 10-day vacation at the Winfield Bluegrass Festival. 

    Stay tuned for the final verdict on September. It has not had a stellar start, but if the Cubs make the playoffs, that would be a mighty-fine closeout.

        Leta

Autumn in PA--I miss you!!

September 1--Nearing the End 😢😢

People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.  --Rogers Hornsby

    I'm with you, Rogers. Although I do also watch a considerable amount of basketball. Nevertheless, arriving at September makes me start to mourn the coming end of baseball season. 

    There is a t-shirt company in Chicago named Obvious Shirts that was created out of love for Cubs baseball. Below is the shirt they made for the Cubs players who have now played about 137 out of 162 regular season games. It is a grueling season, and I'd venture that most players would say "hell, yes!" to this shirt. I want one, but alas, they are sold out. 

    My other favorite Obvious Shirt is this one:

    That was the game in 2016 when the Cubs won the World Series, in extra innings in Game 7, for the first time in 108 years. I can guarantee you that there IS crying in baseball!!!

    A Cubs fan for eternity,

        Leta