February 7--Outside

Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. 
--Albert Camus

    I was participating in a discussion recently with several friends about how we are coping with the "confinement" of these pandemic times. One consistently mentioned tactic is to go outside. Go for a walk. Hang out and look at the stars. Watch the birds and squirrels. It's quite cold in our area, so those outside adventures don't need to last very long. There's something about fresh air that is rejuvenating. I'm grateful for my angel dog, Barney. There are many winter walks I would have skipped had I not had Barney to exercise.  

   "Distinguish melancholy from sadness." This is no small challenge--I looked up definitions of melancholy and they all include "sad" or "sadness." So I'll go on my own ponderings. I think of sadness as being related to something specific, like a condition or event, such as the death of a loved one. Melancholy seems to me to be more of a general low state with no particular cause. I'm not sure if one is better or worse than the other. In terms of healing, February's theme, I'd say it's useful to feel whatever we feel and let it go. 

    "Find meaning" may be a stressful thought, like we have to have some big world-saving purpose in life. I find meaning in simply enjoying each day. It's meaningful to me that I help care for Barney and we each make the other's life better. I enjoy the work I do. I enjoy my hobbies of swimming, golfing and napping. I love hanging with my husband for a before-supper beer and talking about our days and life in general. Writing this blog is meaningful to me. From the 12-step literature: "Each day we live well, we are well." That's meaning enough for me. 

    Keep moving,

        Leta

Outside with Barney, bbrrrrrrr!!!!!!

February 6--Follow-up from Yesterday

When you learn your lessons, the pain goes away.  --Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

    Yesterday's blog was all about the usefulness of pain, and what we can learn from the assorted pains we experience through a lifetime. Yes, as I learned the lessons from the pains, the pains went away. I believe it is helpful to have a simple memory of the pain to remind us of the lessons we've learned. Those memories can keep us from repeating unnecessary pain-causing actions. Also note that if we hold onto the pain via resentment, anger, conflict, stubbornness, or any other strong emotion, the pain doesn't go away. It festers. 

    I've been asked many times if I wish I had had my hip replacement surgery sooner, given the excellent result of now living and moving pain-free. My reply is that I just don't think I was ready. There were lessons to be learned, and I'm even now still figuring those out. Certainly there was plenty of fear--it's a major surgery, after all--and it turned out that the fear was what fear often is... false evidence appearing real. I guess I also released some unconscious need to suffer. That one just came to me and deserves some additional introspection. Hmmmm....

    Always learning,

        Leta

February 5--Useful Pain

Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.  --Ovid

    There's that saying...whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger. In the midst of pain, it can be quite a challenge to be patient and tough, much less to look ahead and think it will be useful at some point. 

    However, in hindsight, I can see the truth of Ovid's statement. One instance of pain from my life has been associated with the death of loved ones, in particular my parents. Experiencing that pain has caused me to learn to grieve, to be independent, to appreciate the loved ones still with me, and to be compassionate toward others who are grieving. 

    The pain of addiction reached its peak for me in my early thirties. I have been patient and tough enough to hang in there in a 12-Step program for decades, and the pain of addiction gave way to brand new and successful methods for dealing with life other than substance abuse. 

    Conflict--now there's a fun subject, one most folks would prefer to avoid like a root canal. The pain of conflict teaches us problem-solving, boundary-setting, compromise, and the ability to see something from another's point of view. 

    Physical pain from an illness, injury or lack of movement, while tough to bear, can be very useful if it leads to changes in behavior that support our well-being. It gives us empathy for others in physical pain.  

    Finally, I'd have to say that the mental/emotional/spiritual pain I have experienced has probably been the most useful. With decades of patience and toughness expressed in tears and rage, that pain has exposed limiting beliefs and character defects that definitely were not serving me. I've learned to value the unique individual that I am, quirks and all. Feeling comfy in my own skin--priceless!

    Still patient and tough,

        Leta

February 4--Stated Flat Out

Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.  --Ram Dass

    Very blunt and very true and quite often, very unconscious. I can't think of anyone I know who was not given the message growing up that they didn't quite measure up to par in some fashion. There's the original sin nonsense from the Bible. Assorted religions thrive on telling folks of their sinfulness and powerlessness. (I grew up in one of those.) Messages of lack seem to hit us from all directions--we're too young, old, tall, short, fat, thin, beautiful, unattractive, unskilled, stupid, rich, poor--it's endless. Add a self-destructive addiction to the mix, and you have a complete "I'm no good" package. It's no wonder we cram our unworthiness into the finest of suitcases and drag that baggage around most of our lives. We seem to think that we can somehow earn our worthiness by being sufficiently miserable. So much bullshit. 

    It's no small challenge to change the personal and collective mindset that we are here to live in joy and abundance rather than to suffer. One is pushing "uphill" against all the downer forces mentioned above. I am eternally grateful to the 12-Step programs for bringing me and thousands of others through the journey of learning to value ourselves. Alas, when I finally recognized that I felt worse leaving church than when I entered, I stopped attending, which greatly improved my relationship with myself and Spirit. 

    Those places in life where we feel we can't do, be or have something we desire are the spots to start excavating those "unworthiness" beliefs. Like splinters, we find them, pull them out, toss them and heal. 

        Leta

February 3--Scars

To be alive at all is to have scars.  --John Steinbeck

    So true, so true. The physical scars often start as babes when we are learning to walk, the first frightening gush of blood, then stitches, from banging our head on something solid. Then there are lots of skinned knees, cut fingers, maybe a broken bone. I'd be willing to bet that few of us make it through modern life without some sort of surgical scar. Mercifully and mystically, our bodies have an amazing ability to heal.

    We generally get over physical injuries quickly. More challenging are the emotional, mental and spiritual scars which we all acquire over a lifetime. Difficult family situations, unhealthy environments, abuse, violence, neglect, betrayal, abandonment--all these can leave very deep and painful scars. I have even felt scarred by my early religious indoctrination. It's sad to note that our scars are often created by those closest to us. Mercifully and mystically, our souls have an amazing ability to heal.

    It's interesting to me that some of our scars are worthy of showing off ("Wanna see my scar?") and others are deeply hidden and never shared for a lifetime. Let's accept the fact that if we are alive, we are scarred, every one of us. Kindness soothes a scar. 

        Leta

February 2--Keep It Close

The love of the family, the love of the person can heal. It heals the scars left by a larger society. A massive, powerful society.  --Maya Angelou

    There has been much scar creation in our massive, powerful society lately. The stress of the pandemic, both in terms of varied illness and vastly limited activity, has left a huge scar on our world. The economic repercussions have been devastating to many. Political divisiveness has been a source of violence and hatred, and has put the brakes on progress, if not actually pulling us backwards. Racism is alive and well. Our abuse of Mother Earth has reached epic proportions. 

    I don't feel capable of solving any of those gigantic problems, and most likely, you don't either. We can, however, be a loving presence in our family. Healing the wounds in individual families is vital to creating a larger society of peace and well-being. It is individuals, acting in love, right where we are, doing the next kind and helpful thing, that will move our larger society along a healing path. We must hold tight to the knowing that every person acting in love matters greatly to the whole. Each of us can be a healer.

    Leta

Beauty heals. (Beauty=Love)

February 1--A Month of Healing

What is required of us is that we love the difficult and learn to deal with it. In the difficult are the friendly forces, the hands that work on us.  --Rainer Maria Rilke

    The theme for February in "Daily Peace" is healing, a very front-and-center topic in our world today. On a global scale, we need healing of international relationships as well as in our care for Mother Earth. We need healing of the divisiveness within the U.S. And many individuals are seeking healing, be it a Covid-19 infection or otherwise. All of these circumstances are "difficult." Love them, as Rilke suggests? There's a challenge. 

    It's also an opportunity. It is in dealing with difficulties, i.e., finding solutions to problems, that we do encounter those "friendly forces" that help us resolve any situation. Once we set our focus on the solution, rather than the problem, friendly forces and helping hands seem to appear as if by magic, if only we are aware enough to recognize them. This process is vastly helped by being willing, in the midst of "difficult," to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a vital life skill, especially when dealing with the "difficult." 

    Appreciating those friendly forces today,

        Leta