September 14--Get a Life

Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.  --Dolly Parton

    One thing I dearly appreciate about the pandemic experience is that it brought our insane level of busyness to a grinding halt. Given the enormous change in options for spending our time, we have had to choose, actually choose, what we want to do with our time, rather than be driven on "busyness autopilot." We've had the opportunity to consciously "make a life." 

    I mourn for those whose way of making a living went away or was severely diminished. I know it is challenging for a family to be together 24/7. Juggling kids, (at-home) school and work is even more of a challenge than before the pandemic. Throw the prospect of severe illness in there, and you have a very messy life-soup. 

    Yet there is still the opportunity to make a life. New options for learning, developing a new hobby, deepening relationships with those we live with, creating healthier eating and movement habits--all these things contribute to making a life. That we always have a choice has become apparent during the past few months, and this is a gloriously empowering realization. We've also learned that one's level of busyness is not a measure of successful living. 

    Life is good!

        Leta

                                       

 

    

September 13--Sense of Humor

Laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.  --Ken Kesey

    I'd say a sense of humor is very critical these days in the new world of pandemic. Besides the actual illness itself, there are a multitude of things that can hurt us--corruption, riots, fires, endless disaster news, rampant lies, shootings--a seemingly endless list of things that could run us plumb crazy if we let them.

    It is no small challenge to laugh at the things that hurt us. If we do, however, we avoid collecting the heavy baggage of anger, resentment and desire for revenge. It may take passage of time and/or lots of forgiveness work for us to be able to laugh about some hurts.

    Laughing at what hurts us is one means of not taking things personally, again, a lofty but worthwhile goal. Behaviors of others are about them, not about me. (See the September 11 post for more on this topic.) Being able to take all things lightly is a mighty fine position of personal power. 

    Still practicing,

        Leta

September 12--Artful Living

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. 
--Havelock Ellis

    We have an excellent example of this in our breath. We take it in, we let it go. We can hold our breath for just a little while, then discomfort forces its release. It's a natural rhythm, and a good example for us to note. 

    I remind myself of the wise words of one of my mentors: Everything has a lifespan. We tend to resist letting go of long-held, dear-to-our-hearts people, places and circumstances, because letting go puts us in the unknown territory of Changeland. One of the most challenging and ongoing "letting go" experiences for me has been letting go of my sons, who are both successful adults. Mothering is a tough thing to back away from after it has been 100% of life for so many years. 

    Letting go and holding on applies to beliefs, too. Humans are known to cling to beliefs that don't serve us. These may have come from parents, school, religion, authority figures, and so on. It's often easier to hold on than to think for ourselves and make changes. I held on to the belief for years that I could somehow magically on my own control my addiction. I say with the gratitude of hindsight that I finally let go of that conviction and found recovery. 

    There has been a lot of letting go during this pandemic time. I've learned to live without eating out, traveling, swimming (3-months without), hugs, seeing my students, sons and friends in-person, and TV sports. Yet life has gone on. Practicing the art of living, I've replaced those things with other satisfying activities and a lot of Zoom. It is all working for now. 

    It's a good habit to consider where holding on is not helping. Less baggage is a good thing. 

    Feeling lighter,

        Leta

September 11--Be Selective

The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.  --William James

    These are wise words indeed. A friend several times has reminded me, on the topic of forgiveness, that if we don't get offended, there's nothing to forgive. Granted, that may be easier said than done. It's helpful to remember that every situation is neutral. It's our perception and reaction that bring in any emotional upheaval, and we can choose our perception and reaction. The more we can overlook, the more peaceful we remain. 

    I have a lofty goal of remembering that what others do is about them, not me, and we are each doing our best in any given moment. We can't completely know another person, even those closest to us, so we don't know exactly where they are coming from, their triggers, hurts and so on. When I happen to be a target of someone's poor behavior, I strive to see it as I just happened to be in the "wrong place at the wrong time." 

    I can too easily get into the emotional charge of self-righteous anger. That's my excellent indicator that I am not overlooking properly. There's virtually nothing outside of me that I can control, so it behooves me to consistently practice overlooking. 

    Let us not, however, overlook injustice in its many forms. That is not a wise practice, as we are seeing so clearly now in our country. 

    Appreciating free will,

        Leta

September 10--Most of the Time

If you are good life is good.  --Roald Dahl

    I'd say, most of the time. I say that being in the midst of much-anticipated plans that have suddenly (overnight) gone down the drain. That's quite common in this interesting year of 2020, but very distressing nonetheless. 

    Roald Dahl was one of my sons' favorite authors when they were young and I was reading to them on a nightly basis. I especially remember "The BFG." That stands for Big Friendly Giant. 

    Working on the "life is good" part,

        Leta

The Big Friendly Giant

September 9--What is Balance Anyway?

There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.  --Alain de Botton

    What is work-life balance anyway? Spending equal time at work and not at work? Never thinking about work when you are not there? Those are impossible. Work-life balance suggests that work is work and life is play, or not work. But life can be a lot of work! What is balance to one person could seem like chaos to another.

    Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life. Big life events do that--going to college, leaving home, falling in love, getting married, having children, raising children, maintaining health, choosing and/or switching careers, retirement--to name a few. All these are worth fighting for. These upheavals are what make life worth living. 

    Balance is overrated 😊,

        Leta

September 8--Necessary Opposites

What is joy without sorrow? What is success without failure? What is a win without a loss? What is health without illness? You have to experience each if you are to appreciate the other.  --Mark Twain

    I'm a parent, and one of the most challenging things I've had to do in that role is to see my children pass through sorrow, failure, loss and illness. As synchronicity would have it, I was also given this quote today:

To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.
--Henry Cloud

    It is by passing through all those "negatives" of life that we learn. We learn to feel. We learn to solve problems. We learn empathy. We learn kindness. We build courage. We uncover our power. We come to deeply appreciate the "positives" of life. 

    I have personally experienced sorrow, failure, loss and illness. It's impossible to live for several decades and not experience those. While painful at the time, each one has enriched my life in the long run. I appreciate the opposites so much more, and I know that I have the power within me to survive and thrive afterward. 

    Strong in joy and sorrow,

        Leta