April 14--Priceless Words: I Love You

There is no way to peace, peace is the way.  --Mahatma Gandhi

    Well, war certainly is not working. Why can't our leaders, who are supposed to be intelligent (the jury is still out on that one!), see that?!?!?! 

    Dear friends have been so loving and supportive as I grieve. Several of them went together and had a bouquet of flowers sent to me. I literally cannot remember the last time I received flowers, so it is an incredible treat! Cards, texts and emails have been flowing in. I am so grateful for all the love. 

    The last thing I said to my brother was, "I love you!" He said the same back to me as I was heading out the door for what was the last time. While Sue, his wife, was still alive, she had even more health issues than Arlie, so my niece, Debi, spent a lot of time with Mom. I share my niece's favorite memory of her dad: "My most impactful memory has been the last 1 1/2 years with Dad after Mom died. We shared so many precious moments together from the agony of taking him to Walmart, to coffee and conversation by the fireplace, to hearing him say 'I love you' for the last time." 

    Even though we were not geographically close, I shall miss my bro every day!

        Leta

The lovely flowers I received 😂

April 13--From Here to There

You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.  --Amy Poehler

    A phrase I repeat often is "Ya gotta start somewhere." I think too-lofty goals kill many a project. Take exercise for example. If you have not moved much in the past few years, you probably cannot comfortably hike several miles, but you can walk to the end of the driveway and back. 

    As I continue to love up my brother who just passed, I see that this quote most certainly applies to my next tribute to him. He was an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous for several decades. Entry into a 12-Step program requires at its very foundation a recognition of where you are (hopeless addict) in order to get where you need to go (productive human in recovery). Arlie's family has no idea of how many other alcoholics he helped, but I would guess it numbers in the dozens. He was a self-admitted tough sponsor, because that's how he was sponsored. To the very end of his life, his most sought-after activity outside his care home was going to a meeting. I was honored to attend several with him, and being a recovering addict myself, even though not an alcoholic, the group members welcomed me with open arms, just because I am "Arlie's sister." Many AA members showed up at the memorial service for Arlie's wife, and I expect there will be even more at Arlie's celebration. 

    Generosity of Spirit--that was Arlie.

        Leta

Arlen Miller, Army Ranger
(and very handsome!!)

April 12--Long Time Love

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday.  --A. A. Milne

    For sure this sounds like something Winnie the Pooh would say. When I am walking my dog Barney, and he is pulling hard to get somewhere, I tell him, "We're gonna get there, hang on."

    Amongst the sadness and activity of my brother's passing, today we celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary. We had a lovely Italian dinner last night. My husband is going to commemorate the event by installing a new storm door on the front of our house. I truly appreciate his love of projects. 

    My brother Arlie and his wife Sue were married for 61 years. They brought a daughter and two sons into the world. The beach was always a favorite vacation spot, and I was blessed to be included in many of those adventures. My brother often stated that his purpose in life was to take care of Sue, and he did a super job of that. It was not hard to see Arlie's enthusiasm for life take a sharp decline when Sue passed in September of 2022. 

    More memories, more love,

        Leta

Arlie and Sue on their wedding day, June 1961

April 11--Sad, Not Sad

In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. 
--Albert Camus

    As I was writing yesterday's blog post, my beloved brother had already passed, at 12:30 am Eastern time. He transitioned peacefully in his sleep. His daughter and a grandson were with him. At last he is enjoying his one desire--to be with his wife. I am grateful his suffering is over, and ecstatically happy that I had the two weeks with him at the end of March.

    Yesterday was an exhausting day of sharing the news with lots of tears. I did some gardening therapy, then played pickleball for the satisfaction of smacking something around. 

    I am now the only remaining member of my family of origin. Mom passed in 1979; Dad, in 2000; Ken, in 2006; Arlie, in 2024. Both my brothers' wives have passed, too. I feel like an orphan. My nephew has now declared me "Queen of the Miller Clan." I debated for a bit driving back to Ohio again for the memorial service because of needing to do considerable schedule rearranging. However, I realized quickly that this may be one of the last times most of the family gets together, and I couldn't bear to miss that. 

    Sliding all over the emotional spectrum,

        Leta

Arlie and I in 2021

April 10--Waiting and Remembering

Peace is always beautiful.  --Walt Whitman

    So is a Cubs grand slam. That happened last night after I had turned off the game to sleep, exhausted after another emotional day relative to my brother. Peace is coming soon to my brother. His transition will leave grief and peace intermingled for family and friends.

    My bro has always been a dog lover. Early on his family had a dachshund, followed by an insane beagle that got into everything. Finally they settled their dog preference on Golden Retrievers, and he had three fantastic ones over the years--Jake, Ben and Shadoe. Jake and Ben made Arlie move--he was always on the go with them. He would take them to local lakes with a tennis ball for hours of retrieval fun. By the time Shadoe came along, Arlie's legs had weakened due to circulation issues, and he could no longer keep up with the dog. Arlie and his wife made the very painful decision to return Shadoe to the original owner. Nevertheless, any time Arlie sees a dog, he lights up. 

    More memories as time passes,

        Leta

 

Last night's sunset from
Clearwater, Kansas

April 9--A Rock and A Hard Place

Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.  --Marcus Aurelius

    First of all, the present is disturbing me greatly, because (1st World Problem), the internet has been up-down, up-down for the past 18 hours, and all I want to do is numb out. Why, you ask? Because the future is disturbing me, too. It would seem that a future without my brother is imminent, and I don't like that one bit. Alas, I also do not want to see him suffering, and that has been the case for some time. 

    End-of-life decisions are the proverbial "rock and a hard place." Quality of life is a huge factor, but who decides what "quality" is? Your idea and mine may differ. Our beliefs about the afterlife may be wildly divergent. I certainly get it when a person is simply done with the struggle and ready to move on. For those remaining, emotions are flying all over the place. Sadness, relief, grief, joyful memories, regrets, anger--the entire emotional spectrum can be covered in a short time. 

    One day at a time!

        Leta

It nearly all went to Goodwill. Even though 
my emotions are a mess, my cabinets are
now much cleaner. 😉😉

April 8--The Inside Job

Our work for peace must begin within the private world of each one of us. 
--Dag Hammarskjold

    If we do not experience peace within ourselves, we cannot bring it into the world. Chaos and conflict simply attract more of the same. If you have enjoyed inner peace, you know that it is a priceless gift as well as a state to cultivate. Guns, violence, war, "us vs. them," none of these can ever create peace. 

    Serenity within allows us to live and let live. As James Finley puts it: "Everyone’s an infinitely loved, broken person in a fleeting, often not-so-fair, gorgeous, lovely, unexplainable world."

        Leta