May 31--Wonder and Respect

Be a little kinder than you have to.  --E. Lockhart

    Today we are talking about wonder. I drive once a week to Clearwater, a small town southwest of Wichita. I did tax work there for many years, and I still teach MELT Method there weekly, so I know many residents. The drive takes me past hundreds of acres of farmland. 

    Consider a kernal of corn. That's a seed about the size of your little fingernail. In the example photo below, thousands of those have been inserted into the bare soil. Something "magical" happens. Earth energy, sun energy, moisture--these combine and turn into plants that grow several feet tall and produce more seeds, i.e. ears of corn. This is a wonderful and amazing thing which we may not think about when we are slathering butter on a juicy fresh cob. Our magnificent Mother is willing to feed and delight us in infinite ways. Let us appreciate and respect her and take good care of her. 

        Leta

A typical Kansas cornfield

May 30--It's a Process

Of all things we mortals are called upon to do, the most difficult is forgiveness; in order to truly do it, you will probably have to behave as if you already have forgiven for quite a while before you have actually done so. 
--Marion Zimmer Bradley

    "Act as if..." This is a fundamental practice within the 12-Step program. Not sure about a Higher Power? Act as if one exists and does exactly what you want. Not sure if you can forgive? Act as if you have "kicked those resentments to the curb" and be free. 

    Another technique to get the forgiveness ball rolling is to pray for the perpetrator, that he/she has all the good you desire in life. Note that all these options are to change you, not the offender. My experience with this effort has been that a) you don't have to mean a word of this prayer, and b) after doing it for a few days, you get tired of it and the resentment and let it all go. Mission accomplished. 

    Our best bet... don't take anything personally!

        Leta

Be like a sunflower--follow the light!

May 29--Still!

Remember, no matter how foolish your deeds, those who love you will love you still.  --Sophocles

    A few years ago my husband was chatting with his parents on the phone. At the close of the conversation, my father-in-law said to him, "We still love you." We got a bit of an eyebrow-raising chuckle out of that one. What does that mean!?!?!!

    If you are a parent, you have lived this quote. I do realize that throughout human history, there have been deeds too foolish to tolerate, but for the most part, humans continue to forgive and love. 

    Maybe our biggest foolishness is that we each have to learn from our own mistakes--preventative advice rarely works!

    Still foolish and still lovable,

        Leta

Beauty from our son's 
Colorado garden

May 28--A Brief Trip

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.  --Pablo Neruda

    I had a spiritual mentor long ago who advocated this ideal: if nothing ever upsets me, there would never be anything to forgive. Notice that I wrote ideal, not idea. I have a long history of self-righteous irritations and upsets that has been a challenge to overcome. 

    I have survived the life-without-a-dryer opportunity by hanging two loads of laundry outside. This yields stiff but good-smelling clothes. The new dryer arrives this afternoon. 

    When I was still living at home in Pennsylvania, my dad bought my mom an electric washer and dryer to make her life easier. She would have none of it; the pair sat unused in the basement. She continued to use her wringer washer because "that electric one doesn't get the clothes clean." There was NEVER any dingy in my mother's laundry. She hung the laundry outside on three 50' long clothes lines. 

    This trip down memory lane has a nasty ending, because I got stuck with all the ironing!

        Leta

"Look... no work!" 
Please tell me women were not
that stupid back then!!!

May 27--Pruning Happens

You don't love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults.  --William Faulkner

    Well, the weather forecasters' storm hysteria was correct on Saturday evening. We received .6" much-needed rain, but alas, plenty of wind damage. Walking Barney around the neighborhood, I see loads of debris and limbs small and large that have been violently pruned. About half the debris in our yard came from a neighbor's tree--three huge branches wherein all I could do was drag them to the side to get them off the grass. I pulled the rest of the branches onto the driveway where I could sit and chop them up as best I could. While in that process, our neighbor at the end of our court saw me and the mess, backed his pickup (hauling their debris) down the court, loaded up all of it and hauled it away. What an extraordinarily helpful blessing!   

    Enjoy your Memorial Day, remembering those we have loved and lost, and telling those still with us how much we love them!

        Leta

Probably about 80 lb of tree debris
from the backyard neighbor's tree

May 26--Thoughts on Abandonment

Remember that forgiveness too is a power.  --Margaret Atwood

    Well, heck, yeah! It takes a lot of strength to forgive, especially the worst stuff! 

    Well, heck, again! I did some journaling yesterday regarding abandonment, and there's definitely more forgiveness work ahead for me. I see that various forms of abandonment have been a pattern in my life, and I feel like I have "Please abandon me" tattooed on my forehead. 

    I noted that there is a big variety of abandonment. The biggie is death, and that's what happened with my Grammie dying suddenly of a heart attack when I was four years old. That started the "abandonment snowball" off the top of the mountain. Then there is emotional abandonment, which is what happened with my mother, as she was devastated by her mother's death, and my parents' relationship went completely "off the rails" after that. Then there is the abandonment wherein I don't feel safe sharing my whole self with those closest to me. There have also been times, like now, when I feel my body is abandoning me. The bone spur on my foot is hampering my determination to keep moving, and I'm very unhappy about it. Lastly, I share my oft-repeated phrase regarding our sons, "We raised them to be independent, and damn it, they are." Though it is the organic, natural, desirable path in life, the kids "leaving the nest" is a form of abandonment, at least in my psyche. 

    Awareness... forgiveness... trust the process... onward...

        Leta

May 25--Unlimited Grace

Love is by definition an unmerited gift; being loved without meriting it is the very proof of real love.  --Milan Kundera

    "Being loved without meriting it" is the full grace of Spirit moving in, through and as us. I think so many folks grew up with the natural desire to please parents/elders. When that effort seemingly failed, we fell into the "I'm not worthy" trap. The idea of being completely loved, "warts and all," is very difficult to grasp, and even more challenging to integrate into one's being and live it.

    I have been praying for Spirit's guidance, understanding, nudges, any sort of help relative to my intentions of "staying healthy and active" and "encouraging and allowing myself to be a happy human." Two things came up to me yesterday. The word "abandonment" flashed billboard-size in my brain. There's much to consider there. Also, I ran across an article about high-functioning depression that hit way too close to home. I shall be journaling, and you may see more on these topics in future writings. 

    Learning every day,

        Leta

Snoozing right next to me, sweet Barney, real love!