April 30--Between a Rock and a Bone Spur

We do not need to go out and find love; rather, we need to be still and let love discover us.  --John O'Donohue

    This is another story in my long history of distrust and dissatisfaction with our current state of health care. I avoid going to the doctor as much as possible. Alas, with a lumpy annoyance on the top of my left foot, I decided to get it checked out. Long story short, x-rays show that I have a tiny bone spur with swelling in the soft tissue surrounding it. This is common "with age." (That is the surest way to irritate me--write something off to "at your age.") With this diagnosis, there are three alternatives: 1) keep doing what I'm doing and live with the irritation; 2) stop all activity and keep the foot elevated and use ice and over-the-counter pain meds to reduce the swelling; and 3) surgery. The doctor recommended option #2. I kid you not--he told a very active, healthy 68-year-old to sit around and do nothing, knowing full well that would not make the bone spur disappear. This very active, healthy 68-year-old is going with option #1, especially after seeing what option #2 did to my recently-deceased brother. 

    At least this doctor visit used up the rest of my Medicare deductible for 2024!

        Leta

Our feet are amazing!

April 29--Quiet... Good or Bad?

A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy can live.  --Bertrand Russell

    This quote makes me think of my home life growing up, wherein my parents expressed their dislike of each other with vicious silence. It was quiet, alright, but there was definitely no "true joy." There was always the "on edge" waiting for the explosion to happen. 

    But I get what Mr. Russell is trying to say. In order to live a joyful life, one has to frequently tune out the distractions and demands of the world and get back to one's own center. Time out for Barney belly-rubs is a great practice of joyful quiet. Gardening is another activity that supports my happy life. It is productive alone time that encourages me to pay attention to how amazing our Mother Earth home is.  

    May your day include precious quiet time,

        Leta

Some of our Mother's handiwork,
at the CSU Gardens

April 28--Forgiveness

Serenity comes from the ability to say "Yes" to existence.  --Ayn Rand

    I'm leading a 12-Step meeting soon, and the topics "floating to the surface" for me are forgiveness and self-pity. 

    A need for forgiveness means that I think someone "done me wrong," and I'm feeling resentful about it. My tendency when this happens is to spend (too much) time in self-righteous self-pity. The BIG ONE, the huge disappointment/depression of the past year and a half is my most recent glaring example. I finally realized that no amount of angst on my part is going to change the aggravating circumstances, so it is time to suck it up, forgive and move on with life. This is yet another case of practice, practice, practice. Rarely is forgiveness a one-time act; usually it is a process. 

    The 12-Step program offers the "resentment prayer." When one has a resentment against a person, one prays for that person to enjoy all the good that the resenter would have for himself. It works, even if one does not mean a word of it, because the point is: prayer changes the one praying.  

    Life is letting go,

        Leta

Peonies blooming in my garden 😀

April 27--Justice & Kindness Interlinked

Recompense injury with justice, and recompense kindness with kindness. 
--Confucius

    When someone is rude or nasty with me, I remind myself that I should not "stoop to their level." Being unkind in return does no good, and usually leaves me needing to make amends. We know from thousands of years of history that injury only escalates into more violence. We also know that kindness encourages more of itself. It's just that injury and violence get more publicity. 

    Let's take the kindness and justice route,

        Leta

April 26--Nature Heals

Change is one thing. Acceptance is another.  --Arundhati Roy

    Don't I know that!?!?!!!

    Barbara Mahany writes about the healing that Nature has to offer us:

What are the sermons that the woods—those places of betweenness, repositories of ancient stories—might impart from their fretwork of branches and twigs, their columnar trunks and the boughs that hold up the sky? Certainly, there are tales of resilience, the way they stand against whatever time and the weather gods hurl their way, tornado or drought, ice storm or Noah-like rains. And lessons to be learned of holy communion, the way the woods and the birds and the scampering critters all keep watch, share food, warn each other of danger, create ecosystems that moderate heat and cold, store water, and generate necessary humidity. What else of the time-tested truths, laid down like the rings revealed in a fallen tree’s stump?… 

 

My temple, my mosque, my church of the woods, where the center aisle is earth rubbed raw, threadbare, not unlike a great aunt’s mothballed Persian rugs, where the vaulted halls are awash in shifting shadow and numinous light, bathed in a mystical halo, it is the holy place to which I return and return. It is a woods that preaches to me, fills me with wordless wisdoms. It is the place where I behold the awe-inspiring mystery of how I hope heaven will someday be.

Go outside!

        Leta 

Alan Seeger Natural Area,
central Pennsylvania,
my favorite spot on the planet

April 25--The Big Pull

There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. 
--Leo Tolstoy

    My most recent thoughts about my dear brother lead me to magnets. I have lived in Kansas for over forty years, but there has always been a pull back east to family in Ohio and Pennsylvania. For a long time, my dad was the big magnet until he passed in 2000. Then my brother Arlie became the most powerful connection back east. I made many a journey eastward with two young sons to keep the family connection strong. I know from experience that few will make the journey out to Kansas. I am the one who has to sustain the connection. 

    Gardening is excellent therapy for me as I ponder life without my brother. Yesterday I planted five large pots of flowers. I've added brightly-colored pinwheels to each pot to hopefully deter the squirrels from ruining my handiwork. The pinwheels are right up there with pink-flamingo tacky, but I love them! 

    Life's small pleasures,

        Leta

April 24--More Alone Time Please

Learn to be quiet enough to hear the sound of the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in other people.  --Marian Wright Edelman

    A friend invited me to an event this coming Saturday which I know would be "good for me." My reply was, "No, thanks. Right now if somebody offered me a planet all to myself, I would take it in a heartbeat." I have enough stuff on my calendar to keep me from being a complete hermit, and that's probably a good thing. 

    Yesterday I participated in another simulated patient (SP) encounter with medical students at KSCOM. I played the role of a concerned companion to the person seeing the doctor about fainting, dizzy spells and shortness of breath. We worked with five sets of doctors-to-be, all different, dedicated and great fun. The SP opportunities are giving me an appreciation for how much doctors need to know and consider when treating folks. 

    I am needing a lot of sleep these days, trying to get my energy back. I am grateful for springtime.

        Leta

This is actually a photo 
of a Florida alligator.
Wilderness, alligators--
that's what life feels like
to me at the moment.