March 31--Only 400 More Miles!

The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself. 
--Michel de Montaigne

    If enjoying time to oneself is an indicator of this, I think I have this one nailed. I don't think I could stand all the solo driving I do if I didn't feel like I belonged to myself!

    I did 585 miles yesterday. The morning started with a spectacular sunrise, so awesome that I called my niece and told her to get outside and see it. I went through some nasty rain in Ohio, but the rest was sunny, dry and smooth. I had a nice visit with my in-laws, got to bed early, watched some baseball, and now I'm on the last "leg" home. My husband will be happy to see me, but our dog Barney will go nuts. I can hardly wait!

    Onward,

        Leta

Looking forward to a KANSAS sunset!

March 30--Headed Home

Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.  --Rumi

    I'm asking myself for a safe, easy 600-mile drive back to my in-laws' home today. My last day of Ohio fun included a pedicure and lovely Ukrainian dinner with my niece and friends. I had a good closing visit with my brother. I am sad to leave, but ready to be home. Would someone please get to work on "Beam me up, Scotty"?? 

    My niece and I have had discussions about what to pray for relative to my brother/her dad. His quality of life continues to deteriorate and his pain continues to intensify. He is not getting any sharper mentally. He has said that he is wishing for "the big one." That's a stroke that ends him--he is convinced that is what is going to take him "home to be with Sue." It is so painful to watch him suffer. It feels OK to pray that his wish to be with Sue be fulfilled. 

    And of course, like every day I've been here, we finished it off with a few rounds of Rummikub. I am so grateful for the time here!!!

    On the road again,

        Leta

My niece's newly alphabetized spice rack 😉😉

March 29--A JOYOUS Reunion ❤❤❤

Accept who you are; and revel in it.  --Mitch Albom

    I'm not sure if I'm at the point of reveling in it yet; some days maybe, like when I get Wordle in only two or three tries. 😉😉

    I had the most outstanding opportunity yesterday to revel in my life. I visited a cousin whom I had not seen since I was 2-3 years old. In 1958, she left home in central PA to go off and marry an African American man. This was simply NOT done in my family, she was disowned at the time, and my parents forbid me to even mention her name. It was an "atomic bomb" dropped on the family. Fast forward to 2024. Her extended family of 3 children, 8 grandchildren and 2 great-grands are all successful, productive citizens. She worked as a nurse most of her life. I gave her the synopsis of my life, filling me with gratitude for how far we have both come from the boondocks of PA. She gave me some photos, too, which you'll see on the blog at some point. The best thing--I asked her when her mom (my aunt Virginia) died, and she pulled out her Bible with a wealth of family info (see my photo below). 

    Alas, try as I might, my brother was not able to make the trip. His hearing aids were not charged once again, and he argued with me, then fell asleep. He's had a rough week since his fall last Saturday. 

    Time to swim!

        Leta

Priceless family info!

A selfie of me and Marlene

March 28--PLAY BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.  --Barbara Kingsolver

    While this quote is designed to be encouraging, there is for me an element of sadness. My giant hope of being an involved grandmother has been so dashed that there seems to be no chance of living inside it. I'm just now crawling out of the pit of depression that realization threw me into. Now my hope is a productive, fun life with other priorities, so I've been getting myself involved in pickleball, simulated patient work, and more travels. I've had to figure out new hopes to live in. 

    Yesterday's plan to take my brother to an AA meeting did not happen. When I arrived to pick him up, his hearing aids were "out of juice" and in his pants pocket, so there was no point in going to a meeting where he couldn't hear anything. I left him to nap. I went back later, took him down to the fireside with coffees, and we had a delightful visit talking about our assorted athletic adventures. He was quite the athlete in his younger years. 

    I'm heading back home in a couple of days. I can feel some sadness "working its way to the surface." However, today is OPENING DAY of baseball season, my favorite day of the year. My Cubs shirt is ready to go!

        Leta

I've been to every ballpark!!!

March 27--Love Chooses Its Own Route

Love cannot be forced, love cannot be coaxed or teased. It comes out of heaven, unasked and unsought.  --Pearl S. Buck

    I grew up in the boondocks of Pennsylvania, and my husband grew up in the suburbs of St. Louis. A miraculous, multi-year series of events brought us together. Who knew, at the time, where each of those decisions (such as jobs and locations) would lead?!?! I would also throw in here that my extreme love of baseball played a huge role in our romance. 😉😉

    I enjoyed breakfast yesterday morning with my brother in the main dining room. He is a West Point graduate, served in the Army for many years (including two separate years in Vietnam as an Army Ranger), so he is into all things military. I asked him about two of our uncles who served in WW2. Uncle Ed, a total character, was in Italy and used the time to drink as much wine as possible. My brother said he never ranked above private. Our other uncle, however, Uncle Peck, was wounded in the battle/landing at Anzio and was awarded a Silver Star, the third highest combat decoration in the Armed Forces. Who knew?!?! Even though my brother can't remember what he did earlier in the day, he has a wealth of knowledge about times long past and family history. He is a great story-teller.

    Loving the time with my brother,

        Leta

Getting the 5-minute buzz cut

March 26--Survived It!

Insist on yourself.  --Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Part of me says that they didn't know about narcissism when Emerson penned that one! 

    OK, this is getting depressing. For the second time during this Ohio visit, someone who knows my brother asked me if I am younger or older than him. I told my niece that I am going to smack the next person who asks that. Geez. 

    Yesterday my brother and I accomplished the big task of any visit here--I took him to Walmart. Note that I despise Walmart, and I only go there with him because I love him so much, and he loves Walmart so much. We used his wheelchair instead of the walker, so the visit was quicker and more comfortable for both of us. He picked out his favorite snacks. The nasty deed is done for this trip.

    We had a lovely sunny day yesterday, and I was able to walk in the afternoon wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Today it is chilly with pouring rain. Sigh.

    Onward,

        Leta

March 25--Insincerity Is Tiring

The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere. 
--Anne Morrow Lindbergh

    This makes me think of the often-abused phrase "I'm fine!" To me, "fine" stands for Fu&(*ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. I've used "I'm fine" many times with this meaning, and it was taken to be that I really am OK-fine, and I let it go at that--insincerity at its finest. 😉😉 I totally agree with Ms. Lindbergh's sentiment. 

    My niece and I took lunch to my brother yesterday. It was one of life's finest culinary treats--homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, topped off with ice cream. He loved it. We taught him how to play Rummikub. He was a good sport through one round, but he said it took too long, and he didn't like it. The colors frustrated him. But considering he is living in a memory care unit, he did great. We parted for naptime, and my niece and I finished off the day with a few hours of Rummikub. Yes, we are addicted 😄

    You can know that I REALLY love my brother, because today I'm taking him to Walmart. 

        Leta

In the "Sports Bar"