January 31--Symptoms and Causes

Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.  --Fred Rogers

    I agree, but what a tall order!

    Today we finish off the January theme of respect. Mr. Rogers gives a lovely definition of respectful relationships. 

    I've been thinking a bunch about the student doctors and the Encounters I did with them on Monday. The Encounters were 20 minutes long, longer than most doctors spend with patients these days. I was a well-behaved rookie patient and followed the script. However, I wanted to say--what about getting to the actual cause of my weight problem? We discussed poor habits (sedentary desk job, eating fast food) and ways to improve, all good stuff. The students sincerely want to help, otherwise they would be studying something else. But what about my relationships? Maybe my job is too stressful. Maybe I get no time to myself. Maybe my husband is abusive. There are so many potential contributing factors in such a situation. I realize that we couldn't go into all that in a short Encounter. However, it makes me wonder whether the students will eventually move past symptoms to dig deeper into causes. 

    We are all learning!

        Leta

Barney, the Adorable Snuggler

January 30--Big Day of Connections

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them--we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. 
--Brene Brown

    Today is a before-and-after writing about my Monday. 

    Before--I'm spending the day at KS College of Osteopathic Medicine. Part of the day is general training, then the afternoon includes my first actual Encounters with students where I pretend to be a patient who has gained too much weight. (Let's just say I don't have to pretend very hard!) I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited. It is a great environment with amazing technology, and I'll get to meet a lot of folks. A friend who works there tells me that the students are equally excited about these Encounters. 

    After--what a BLAST! I was a little stressed getting hooked into the Ipad to use for evaluations, and figuring out the procedural stuff around the Encounters. The actual Encounters were so much fun. I did four, with a pair of 2nd-year student doctors in each. There were two sets of women and two sets of men. They all did great overall, but I'd say the women were the winners. One of the men actually called me "obese," which was discouraged. The Encounters are recorded and also evaluated by the instructors and students. 

    The next Encounters involve baby-birthing, and yes, they have manikins for that. Stay tuned!

        Leta

January 29--Twilight Zone

You will never say to yourself when you are old, "Ah, I wish I was not good to that person." You will never think that.  --Khaled Hosseini

    Well, I see that somehow I was in a zone wherein I missed a day of posting. I guess the angst of the weekend messed me up. 

    Back to this quote. I must say that there have been folks in my past about whom I thought the planet would be better off without them. Fortunately I was civil to them in my interactions, so there was no need for amends. Alas, these were "church people," who in public acted quite pious and polite, but in private they were anything but.

    Enough! Most people are wonderful, and I am grateful for that!

        Leta

January 28--Everything's Fine

To belittle, you have to be little.  --Kahlil Gibran

    GOOD one! Not much I can add to that. 

    As I write this a day ahead, it is 6:30 Sunday morning, I've been awake since around 4:00 am, and I have been crying for about an hour. I would write it off to soul-rinsing as there has been a pile-up of general life frustrations. One of my favorite acronyms comes to mind: FINE = F%*ked-up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional. My weekend plans were ruined by a case of Covid (not me). The debate rages in my head--because I feel fine, how isolated should I be? Part of me says that Covid is simply here to stay, it's not bad, and life has to move on. I don't feel like I have to test every sniffle, especially since I am a person with frequent allergy symptoms. Despite being vaxxed to the max, maybe I'm a bad human to think that way. 

    I'm especially bummed because I had planned a small gathering of golf buds for a soup supper and game night. This was a big deal for me, as it's the first time I've planned to have folks over since we got Barney, and that was four years ago. He is very protective of my husband and me, and he barks at everyone. I had decided to give it a shot. When my husband has folks over, Barney does calm down eventually. Plus I had to invade my husband's kitchen to do some cooking. He was going to be out of town. Oh, well, the best laid plans...

    This, too, shall pass.

        Leta

January 27--Making Peace with Fear

The worst thing is to give yourself away in exchange for not enough love. 
--Joyce Carol Oates

    Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation of January 26 really spoke to me. It described perfectly my lifetime of fear, primarily related to the fear implanted at a very young age of losing my mother. 

Author Cole Arthur Riley describes how she has faced a lifetime of fear, ultimately praying to God for restful steadiness.

More than most things, I’m afraid. When I say this, people always seem to want to assure me that it isn’t the case. But we know. Since I was little, I would always find a way to imagine the worst possible versions of the future. Maybe on some level I’ve grown to believe if I prepare for it, it will hurt less when it comes. But it makes for an agitated body and mind. When you always expect a demon around every corner, your most mundane moments still feel like a risk….

What do we do when our fears are in fact rational? When fear and wisdom are enmeshed? When we would be foolish not to fear? More often than we realize, fear is a protective intuition. It is what stops you from driving with no headlights on, from touching your hand to flame, from going outside to meet the coyotes. We don’t have to demonize our fear to survive it. For this reason, I have an aversion to language of “conquering” our fears. We are not at war with ourselves; it is better to listen with compassion.

As a child, maybe you were told there is nothing to be afraid of. As adults, when we’re most honest, I think we know we have everything to be afraid of. This world, which has been so unsafe to so many of us, cannot be trusted not to harm us again. This isn’t pessimism, it’s confession.

Still, to live in a constant state of fear will keep you from the rest you were meant for. They are near opposites, fear and rest. It is not likely that you’ll relax those shoulders if somewhere within you feel the house is on fire. I want us to honor our fears without being tormented by them. Sacred intuition without restlessness.

This quote from James L. Farmer is at the front of my journal: “Courage, after all, is not being unafraid, but doing what needs to be done in spite of fear.” The implication, of course, is that if you’re not scared, it’s not courage. If there is any bravery in me, it is in my refusal to let fear eclipse my imagination for anything other than pain. To maintain imagination for both the beautiful and the terrible is to marry prudence and hope.

Arthur Riley offers this breath practice:

INHALE: I will not be silenced by fear.
EXHALE: A quivering voice is still sacred.
INHALE: God, my soul trembles.
EXHALE: Steady me in your arms.
INHALE: I will meet this fear with rest.
EXHALE: God, steady me in your arms.

Onward,

    Leta

"Consider the lilies of the field..."

January 26-- Displaying Your Best

You your best thing... You are.  --Toni Morrison

    I must share the "Note from the Universe"  by Mike Dooley from Jan 25:

Perception Management for Very Advanced Souls:

The next time someone upsets you, think, "Thanks for pointing out that I've begun depending on your approval. Time I lose the expectations."

And the next time someone doesn't take your view into account, think, "That's okay, I was once like that."

And if someone steals from you, think, "It was nothing, my supply is the Universe."

Or lies to you, think, "I'm sorry you feel that need.

Violates you, "All for my growth and glory."

Is rude to you, "Cheer up, dear soul, it'll be okay."

Judges you, "Thanks for sharing your truth."

Drives by you like a bat out of hell, "Be careful, my friend. You’re loved."

And the next time someone greets you with a smile, smile back, like you're sharing a secret.

Headmaster,

The Universe 

    This presents quite a challenge, huh?

        Leta

We have had lots of gloomy, rainy, gray days,
so I am dreaming of the beach and sunshine.

January 25--Plenty of Good Humans

In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit. 
--Anne Frank

    January is still with us and already this year I have been to the dentist twice. There are few places on the planet where I dream of hanging out less than the dentist's office. I'd rather be nearly anywhere else. The first visit was to crown a broken tooth. The second was for a cleaning and check-up, which revealed a cavity that I will be getting fixed in March. Right here with these very words, I am convincing myself that I am GRATEFUL to have an efficient, competent dentist, because (drumroll...) I want to continue to EAT!

    Back to "kind and gentle spirit"... I'm thinking this morning about the melting pot of folks who show up to play pickleball at the West YMCA. The variety of race, ethnicity, age, physical size, capability, dress, and personality is delightful. Some games may not look like "kind and gentle spirits" in action, but that is what is happening. It is lots of folks just having fun, with no agenda or cross to bear (other than "dang, I shoulda had that one!"). 

    Let's multiply good interactions!

        Leta

It's a THING... June 2, 2024