November 30--Good Giving and Receiving Habits

The habit of giving only enhances the desire to give.  --Walt Whitman

    We have reached the end of November and its theme of kindness. I am so blessed to have kindness first thing each morning when my husband brings me a cup of steaming fresh coffee and my angel dog Barney to enjoy while I write.

    I listened to a talk yesterday by a minister friend on the topic of giving and receiving. Both are essential, just as the inhale and exhale of breath are. We cannot give if there is no one to receive. As Whitman says, when we make giving a habit, we want to do more of it. It feels good. But the circulation, the complete flow, requires a gracious receiver. 

    I love to give, but I have a couple of pet peeves relative to receivers. One is when I offer a compliment, and the recipient diminishes it rather than simply saying "thank you." For example, "I really like how you've decorated this room," and the reply, "Oh, it's just some stuff I picked up at the thrift store." Another is the "now I'll have to get even" mentality. That's when, given a gift, the recipient mentally notes the need to return an item of similar value, in order to keep the relationship balanced. I can register this in their personal vibes, and it's annoying. It diminishes any gift and the love behind it. 

    Another of my pet peeves is the hostess gift. If I invite you to my home, please don't bring me stuff, no matter how well-intentioned. I don't need more stuff, and those gifts feel as though they are given in obligation, to be a "good guest." If I invite you, I know you will be a good guest. You don't need to give me stuff to prove it. The only exceptions to this are chocolate or Nifty Nut goodies. 😉😉 Just kidding.

    Give thoughtfully, receive graciously.

        Leta

November 29--Let It Flow

Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter. 
--Oprah Winfrey

    One of the ways to love yourself is to consciously recognize your accomplishments, no matter how small. I've learned to do this relative to cleaning house. I dislike doing it so much that I have to at least give myself a mental pat on the back for anything I do along those lines. So in the spirit of giving myself some recognition, this past Friday I completed 100 miles of lap swimming in 2020, and I have now done that for 23 years in a row. And yes, I'm a numbers nerd, and I keep track of my laps in a spreadsheet. I am grateful for the self-discipline, for my body, and for my family support and encouragement. 

    Loving yourself is not necessarily an easy prospect in a society that seems to always be pointing out what's wrong with us. Being an addict, and seeing how rampant addiction is in our society, I know that non-recovering addicts tend toward self-loathing, so there's not much love to extend to others. It took a 12-Step program and learning a successful way of living for me to begin to develop a sense of appreciation for myself. That was the beginning of being able to extend genuine love to others. 

    I do believe that people are good, and there is plenty of love in our world. Each of us, each day, extending love to someone does make a difference. It's a matter of staying focused on what we want more of, and who doesn't want more love in our world? Love is our very essence, so let it flow, shall we?

        Leta

November 28--Send 'Em Away Happy

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.  --Mother Teresa

    What a great way to spread kindness... for every single person we encounter, do something that makes them happier. That may simply be a smile and friendly greeting, a hug, or words of appreciation or encouragement. Ask if they could use some help and provide that help. Folks need to be heard, so listening is a very loving skill. Surprise a friend with a gift without an occasion. Acknowledge birthdays. Say "I love you" a lot to those most dear to your heart.

    Having had our dog Barney for almost a year, we have on our many walks come to know other dogs and owners in our neighborhood. There is a comical phenomenon with dog owners--we learn the other dog's name, say "Cooper," and the owner becomes "Cooper's dad." We don't actually learn the owner's name. I'm "Barney's mom." (Dean Koontz, very famous author, describes this phenomenon in his book about his dog, Trixie. I highly recommend the book, "A Big Little Life.") Dog owners share their joy in each of these encounters, the dogs usually sniff each other as dogs do, and everyone moves along happier. 

    We have been blessed in this odd year of 2020 to have the opportunity to recognize and really appreciate the simple pleasures of life. The random encounter with neighbors that we used to take for granted are now a precious chance to greet another human outside the home. Sending hand-written notes has become, for me, more of a treat than an obligation. Receiving them is an even greater treat. I am profoundly grateful for the technology that enables me to connect with so many friends and loved ones online--an excellent way to leave all participants happier. 

    Spreading love leaves both the giver and receiver feeling better. Good stuff!

        Leta

November 27--This is a Biggie

The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves--the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.  --Thomas Merton

    It seems that we have so much trouble just being ourselves that of course, it's a challenge to let others be "perfectly themselves." There is always something to improve in us, and we then project that onto others. The concept that I should stay out of other folks' business was not one I was raised with. Having a practicing codependent perfectionist for a mom taught me that if I knew better, I should do better, and you should, too. 

    It was in the 12-Step program in my early 30s that I was introduced to the Serenity Prayer (which I have modified slightly): God grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I learned in program that I am the only one I can change and (drum roll), I don't have to worry about anyone else. Really!?!?! Holy cow, that simplifies life! The relief I felt was staggering, and I still carry that lightness with me today. And yes, it was the "beginning of love" for me. 

    If you have children, then you have been blessed with the opportunity "to let those we love be perfectly themselves." We guide, guard and direct them in the ways of a successful human life, and magically, a unique person develops. After such intense connection in the childhood years, it can be quite a challenge to let go. This I know. As parents and older adults, we've been there, made the mistakes, would love to give advice on how to do, be and have. It truly is love to let them go, support steadfastly, and allow them to figure out for themselves who they are and how they want to be in this world. 

    Less advice makes for better relationships. 😉😉

        Leta 

November 26--Gentle Caring

We find greater lightness and ease in our lives as we increasingly care for ourselves and other beings.  --Sharon Salzberg

    I was presented the idea recently of writing a letter of appreciation to one's body. For someone who has health issues or whose body is not serving him well, this may seem like a completely wacko idea. I've been there. However, if one is alive right now, it's because the body is doing a lot of things right, and that is worthy of great thanksgiving. I've been blessed with years of yoga practice and teaching, wherein the emphasis is always on appreciating what the body can do, not on its limitations. The human body is an infinite mystery--no matter how much science discovers, there is still so much more to learn. A good relationship with one's body does make for lightness and ease in life. 

    Caring for other beings... not only other humans, but animal and plant life, too. It is frightening and disheartening what humans are doing to our beautiful planet. Reversing this damaging path would bring much lightness and ease to our lives and contribute significantly to our health and ultimately, our survival. While it's a huge job for one person to save the planet, it's an easy job to care for a pet. Caring for our dog Barney has definitely brought lightness and ease to our lives, as well as laughter, exercise and learning. The sleepy boy lying peacefully beside me always elicits a smile from me. His enthusiasm for a W-A-L-K never wanes. He simply loves, and it magnifies the love in our house. Pure joy!

    Wishing all a joyful Thanksgiving Day,

        Leta

 

Barney, the wonder dog

November 25--Becoming Better

When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too. 
--Paulo Coelho

    I had a discussion recently regarding this pandemic time and the proper word to describe our living through it. Is the goal "enduring" it or actually "thriving" through it? We can choose either. Enduring feels like a struggle, slogging through, even putting life somewhat "on hold" till some nebulous point in the future. Enduring is hard.

    Thriving, on the other hand, feels good. One key to thriving is to love, as today's quote states. This pandemic time is an excellent one to strive to become better than we have been. Love gives us the impetus to create new ways to be in the world, new ways to connect, to have fun, to enrich the relationships we are blessed to have. Each individual seeking to thrive uplifts us all. 

    Alas, given how much "new and strange" has confronted us this year, life is bound to be some combination of enduring and thriving. Some days, some things, we just have to hunker down and get through. I think it's important to remember that we always have a choice to focus on thriving and loving.

    Leta

November 24--Whole Heart

The dedicated life is the life worth living. You must give with your whole heart. 
--Annie Dillard

    I think it would be great if we all paid more attention to what we really want to be doing, and saying a gentle but firm "no" when the request is not something wherein we can engage the whole heart. Spiritual teacher Edwene Gaines wisely stated, "If you are doing something you don't really want to be doing, you are doing someone else's job." Others can easily tell a half-hearted effort because we give off "I don't want to be here doing this" vibes. That situation serves no one, and often leads to resentment. 

    I do a variety of things in my working life, and I love them all. It's easy to give with my whole heart. I've learned through trial and error and many years of living when it's best for me to say "no." Years ago a friend called to ask me to help with Vacation Bible School. She knew me well enough to know my answer, but called anyway. I said, "NO! You know I don't like children!" I'm just not a kid person, and if I had agreed, I'd have been uncomfortable the whole time, which would have been no fun for the kids either. 

    The better we know ourselves, the more able we are to give with whole-heart dedication.

    Practicing life,

        Leta