Joy, Post 3

     The Raptors won NBA Finals game one, and Fred VanVleet, a former star at hometown Wichita State University, was great. Woohoo!
     I again awoke to snuggle time with Dusty, who loves the simple belly-rub. When I read a randomly picked inspiration from Science of Mind magazine, the affirmation was "I greet each new day with eagerness for another opportunity for joy." Amen!
     I joyfully report that my neck/shoulder ache is considerably better. Thank goodness it did not interfere with swimming, as I was able to swim a mile this morning. Swimming is pure joy for me.
    As I was driving into Fort Collins, I passed a garden center, and the sign said, "You know you make me want to sprout." Joyful giggle.
     One of my culinary treats in Fort Collins is Culver's. So after swimming a mile, I felt fully justified in having a butter burger and malt. Yum!
     In a rare move, I cooked a spaghetti and meatball supper for my husband's band, who arrived at supper time for a gig at the Swing Station. It's a bar about a hundred yards down the street from our son's house in Laporte. Younger son and girlfriend joined us for supper too, and gave me a dog-walking break by taking Dusty out while I did the dishes. Feeding folks and now having a clean kitchen are joys to me.
     I am reading and really loving "Becoming" by Michelle Obama. She wrote a paragraph about her mother's extensive annual spring cleaning and finished off the paragraph with this: "It's because of my mother that still to this day I catch the scent of Pine-Sol and automatically feel better about life." How joyful is that!
     Friday finished off with seeing my husband's band, The Haymakers, playing at the Swing Station. Lots of our sons' friends came out, and it was great fun.
     Blessings of safe travels, good friends and family together, good food, good times, life is a joy!
     More joy to come...
            Leta

Joy, Post 2

      Probably the thing that Dusty and I are both pros at is napping. So after Wednesday's lovely afternoon nap, I met up with my younger son, his girlfriend, her 6-year-old daughter, and the girlfriend's parents at O'Dell's Tap Room for a beer and a sit on the patio in the glorious sunshine. It was the 6-year-old's last day of kindergarten, a big and joyful milestone. It was a rare event and quite a treat to be with this son's whole family.
     I came back to the house, took Dusty on another walk, and settled in to watch the Cubs finally win one after a several-game losing streak. I was asleep much earlier than the previous night and slept very well.
     Joy hit a rough spot when I woke Thursday morning and moved. I was stunned by shooting pain in my neck and left shoulder. This is an area that annoys me occasionally, but there was no hint of this coming when I went to bed. I worked to resurface my joy with the mantra, "this, too, shall pass." I believe it's a result of the strong doggie pulling me on the leash, just more muscles out of practice that will adapt.
     Despite the irritation, I took Dusty on two short morning walks. It's another beautiful sunny day. (I'd note here that I had come from Wichita where we've had record-setting rain in May with very little sunshine, so sunshine itself is a joy.) Otherwise, I spent the morning reading a good book, a luxury I seldom give myself, though I'm not sure why.
     I met the same crew from O'Dell's for lunch, before the parents left to return to Nebraska and before the 6-year-old went to her dad's house for a few days. I asked my younger son if he would come and walk Dusty with me, so that he could hold him and give my shoulder and neck a break. He agreed.
     Colorado has some stores which sell products that offer mighty-fine pain relief. For the first time, I went to one of those stores all by myself. (For me, the overwhelming number of options and my lack of knowledge can be quite intimidating.) I got a pain-relief cream and had a lively discussion with my service person who is, unfortunately, a White Sox fan. Our discussion resulted from my Cubs t-shirt, always proudly worn. I was joyfully satisfied walking to the car for having done it "all by myself."
     I got home right at nap-time, and Dusty and I continued to perfect our skills at napping. My younger son came over late afternoon, and we went on a walk with Dusty, including a stop at the schoolyard for ball-chasing and stroll along the Poudre River. My son handled the dog, giving my body a break. I told my son what a joy it is for me to have time alone with him to talk and catch-up. He's at a point of new adventures in his life, and I am so happy for his ability to create a great future. He's also about to turn 30, and I am overjoyed at the wonderful life he has made for himself in Colorado.
     So it's evening. Dusty is sacked out from the walk and ball-chasing. The NBA finals start tonight. I'm a big Raptors fan. So you know what I'll be doing tonight.
     More joy to come...
            Leta

Joy, Post 1

     Back in March a dear friend and I traveled to Oklahoma City to see Rob Bell's "Introduction to Joy" show.  He is still on tour with this event, so if you get a chance to see it, I highly recommend it.
     The gist of the show is that joy is found in nearly every moment if we are present to it. Being present is the key.
     I am currently on a grand-dog sitting vacation in Colorado. Dusty is my son's dog who stayed with us for 11 months last year while Derek was off on his Australian adventure. Just being with Dusty is pure joy to me. This dog-sitting adventure began last evening (Tuesday). I am committing to seeing those moments of joy and sharing them along the way. Here are the starters...
     I am dog-sitting because my son and partner are away on a trip. They left Denver Tuesday morning and left their CRV in the west economy lot for me to pick up after my Tuesday evening flight. The key was in a magnetic box hidden in the wheel-well. My flight was great, even landing 20 minutes early. I made my way through the airport in the general direction of ground transportation, eventually looking so confused that two security officers asked me what I was searching for. They directed me to the shuttle for the parking lot. Despite the long, winding walk, I found the bus. I did not, however, find much joy in the weather--40 degrees, windy and raining. Thank goodness I was wearing a hoodie.
     The bus driver had only one passenger, me. I told him the vehicle I was looking for, and the row and section of the west economy lot where the CRV was parked. Instead of just dropping me off in the general vicinity, he drove me around until we found the vehicle. What an angel! What joy, for finding the vehicle was the part of the trip I was most stressed about, multiplied by the yucky weather. I reached my hand into the appointed hiding place and landed right on the key box, no searching necessary. Hallelujah, to be inside the vehicle and out of the rain. Joyful relief!
     The hour-plus drive to Dusty's house went fine despite the rain. Given that his people had left him earlier in the day, and he had been alone for a few hours, Dusty was quite happy to see me. He gave me the paws-on-shoulders hug of greeting that I love so dearly. Big joy!
     I got settled in, texted the family regarding my safe arrival, and climbed into bed, with Dusty taking his (large, he's a Golden Retriever) space mid-bed. Both of us slept well. When I woke up, he crawled up to me and put his head on my belly for petting time. Speaking of joy!

     Dusty and I went out for a walk, a beautiful, cool, sunshiny morning. We ended up not on the usual route as it was time for kids to be arriving at school, and there were too many people and too much traffic for an excitable and exceedingly friendly dog. We did, however, have a lovely encounter with an older gentleman who is a crossing guard. There are a lot of dogs walked around this area of Laporte, and he carries a pocket-full of treats ("cookies") for the dogs. Dusty had him pegged. Treat received. Joy for both Dusty and me!

     Back at the house, I talked with my son to ask a few questions that hadn't already been covered. I learned the awesome news that he got the part-time job he really wanted, starting mid-June. More joy! 

     After a shower and clean clothes, I walked down the street to Me Oh My Pie, a bakery and cafe in Laporte that I have passed many times but hadn't yet visited. Oooooo, biscuits and gravy on the menu. Dare I? I'm very picky about this dish, because my husband makes the world's best. I went for it. It was great! It's a very cute place, convenient, yet another joy-spot in my day. 

     Now, Dusty and I are hanging, soon time for another walk. Life is good. 

     More joy to come...

          Leta

I Have My Garden Back!

     For years, at least five, the neighbor's fence directly behind our house has been falling down, mostly on my garden. It was only a couple of shrubs on our side of the fence that held it up, sort of. The falling, rotten fence also revealed the neighbor's dump of a back yard--all weeds, rotting play set, discarded mattress, you name it. Needless to say, there was no reason for me to enjoy being in our backyard, so my interest in gardening languished, and I did only the bare minimum.
     I have no idea what finally initiated the fence replacement, but it was completed several weeks ago, and we no longer have to look at their dump. Hallelujah! I had turned several areas of garden plots back to lawn over the years, due to too much shade for vegetable gardening, and it being more than I wanted to care for as I got older and also as I travel more. So now I have a manageable size garden that I want to play in.
     Alas, doing only the bare minimum has left me with many projects. A couple of landscape timbers edging the big backyard bed had rotted. I replaced those today, which included drilling holes for re-bar to hold them in place. Yes, I can still operate a drill. The drought of a couple winters ago killed both of my huge double-knockout rose shrubs, and those had to be dug out, no small challenge, but also "mission accomplished." Because of extensive tree-trimming we had done last fall, I now have enough sun again to grow herbs in my herb garden, and I planted a half-dozen varieties there this morning. I also planted peonies, ornamental grasses and a giant hosta.
     Multiple projects remain. Those include ongoing lawn restoration, weeding, debris (limbs, rotted lumber) removal, and several empty spots to plant, naturally, my favorite thing to do. It's time to get my fountain going again. I have a lot of nice rock with which I can do something creative.
     I am so excited to look out on the backyard with joy rather than disgust. My muscles ache with the pleasure of hands-in-the-dirt, manual-labor efforts. I'm good about pacing myself, knowing that it will all get done eventually. And for the first time in years, I want to go hang out in the backyard and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
     Hallelujah!
              Leta

Surprise!!!

     Do you like surprises? I love them. Of course, I'm not talking about the "you've got cancer" sort of surprise. I don't think anyone likes that sort of thing sprung on them.
     Our older son's partner, Caila, also likes surprises, and arranged this past weekend for Dennis and I to surprise Derek for his birthday on Sunday. On Saturday, Derek called me, and the conversation eventually meandered to him asking when we were coming out to see him, saying he could sure use some "mom and dad time." It does make one feel good when a 30-something offspring still yearns for some "mom and dad time." I had to tell him I didn't know for sure when we'd get out there again, knowing full well I'd see him in less than 24 hours. What fun!
     We drove to Colorado on Sunday, and via texting with Caila, agreed to meet up at the Crown Pub. Derek was seated with his back to the door, talking with Caila. I walked up behind him, put my hands over his eyes and started singing "Happy Birthday" in his ear. He was thrilled, especially when he saw that both Mom and Dad had joined in the surprise adventure. Thus began a fantastic visit, wherein Derek must have thanked us 50 times for coming to Fort Collins and surprising him.   
     I have noted in my lengthy marriage that my husband does not care for surprises being sprung on him, and that has made him unlikely to surprise me. I've learned to be OK with that. I don't have to plan surprise birthday parties for him, and I don't expect them for myself. The occasional surprises we do plan for each other have been great fun, probably because they are so rare. We joke that if he ever surprises me with flowers, I'll know he did something REALLY bad, as he is not at all the flower-giving sort of guy.
     Bringing joy and delight to another is part of the fun of living. The couple of weeks leading up to  Derek's surprise were full of planning and excited anticipation. Is there some way you can delight someone in a joyful way? Little surprises are just as fun as big ones.
     Life is good!
            Leta

Full Circle

     This is a story of my life as an addict, a food addict to be specific and name my substance of choice. I came by the addiction "honestly," as I was raised in an addictive household by a mother who was, herself, a food addict. I spent all of my elementary and secondary school days in a very obese state, and was the brunt of much cruelty as a result.

     Assorted diets offered me varying success over the years, depending on my motivation. I have lost literally hundreds of pounds in my life. I have weighed as much as 100 pounds more than I do now. No method of self-abuse with food surprises me. I've probably done 'em all.

     One thing about food addicts--we have an extreme love-hate relationship with food. Food was my best friend from an early age. It calmed me down, enabled me to stuff down feelings, and thereby get through each day of craziness. Truly it was my survival mechanism growing up. It's not a good idea to try and come between a food addict and her food. Just so you know, commenting about what a food addict is eating puts one in a very precarious position. Even a questioning look at an addict's full plate can set her off. It's a very volatile situation, dealing with an addict. Such was my early married life, and my poor husband never knew what he was faced with as I tried without success to control my eating behaviors. 

     The catalyst for change was the birth of our first child. I gained 50 pounds during the pregnancy with unbridled eating, and much to my surprise, I did not have a 50-pound baby. I was rapidly becoming aware that food and excess weight were symptoms of the problem, not the core issue. Then a friend of mine talked with me about his addictive behavior with food. I was stunned to learn that there was someone else on the planet that was as nuts about and with food as I was. He also offered a solution, which I latched onto like a drowning person grabbing a life preserver. I was committed not to pass addiction on to yet another generation.
     Fast-forward through three decades plus of recovery from compulsive eating. The efforts involved in recovery are totally worth it, as they have enabled me to create a great life and have great relationships with people, rather than with food. My most important relationship, with my husband, is what brings me to the "full circle" focus of this post.
     My husband was telling me recently about a friend who is a great cook, but his wife doesn't much care for food in general, or for his fine cooking. My husband said, "I'm so glad you love food and continue to enjoy my cooking." It would be way less fun for him to make his many wonderful dishes if I didn't much care about them. Instead, I love them, and I truly appreciate his efforts. 
     Lastly, to follow up on the previous post, I was successful, in huge part due to my husband's supportive cooking efforts, to not only keep my weight steady during tax season, but to actually lose a few pounds. Unlike the previous three tax seasons, I feel great physically, and I'm so glad I don't need to lose the "tax season 10."
     Food addiction--blessing or curse? It's been both for me, but the full circle is one that is mostly filled with blessings.
     Grateful for the journey,
          Leta

Random Thoughts

     We are 2/3 of the way through tax season, four weeks to go. While the six-day-a-week grind of getting up very early to get to work (with possibly a lap-swim workout before) is getting old, I'm still digging the mental challenge, and happily making lots of overtime pay. I keep going by regularly reminding myself of all the fun I'm going to have the rest of the year with the funds I've made doing taxes.
     I did take a break last weekend to visit my sons in Fort Collins. I drove there Saturday and returned Monday. I had a great time and a much-needed mental break.
     One of my biggest challenges in life has been to let go of my kids. They are quite successful adults and have their own lives. I do pretty well when I am away from them--I don't call a lot and I try hard not to be pushy or nosy. I think they would say that I do OK not being nosy. On this most recent visit, however, I feel I overstepped my "mom boundaries." No details are necessary here, but it left me feeling not quite right, and I made amends and apologized. As usual, it was a bigger deal to me than to them. Because I miss the sons so much, it's really hard when I get to be with them not to go into excess-mom-mode. 
     The other challenge is that it is a 9-10 hour drive to get to Fort Collins from Wichita. While I can do it myself, and have done it many times, it's not my favorite thing to do. That long drive home after a great visit is really a downer. Flying would take almost as much time and create additional inconveniences for the sons. I know options and solutions will develop over time. We shall see...
     Back to tax season... I committed this year not to gain the "tax season 10," weight I had put on in previous years due to stress-eating. My husband is supporting me tremendously in this effort by cooking lots of healthy food for my lunches and dinners. I've also avoided eating out at lunch, which was a big contributing factor to the weight gain. So far so good--I've stayed steady at my starting weight, and I feel so much better than in tax-seasons past. I keep reminding myself that this is not just for tax season, that this is how I want to eat for life. Occasionally my sweet-tooth gets a bit too wound up, and I've noticed that more sugar in my diet makes for more aches in my body. It's a good connection to make, because the hurting is not worth the sweet treats.
      Lastly, oh joy, Opening Day of baseball season is March 28. As John Fogerty wrote in "Centerfield," "We're born again, there's new grass on the field." I already have tickets to the Cubs-Rockies game in Denver, and I have a spot reserved in the California five-stadium baseball tour. Go, Cubs!!!!
      Thanks for reading my random thoughts,
                     Leta