April 18--Releasing the Resentments

Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.  --Buddha

    I am eternally grateful to the 12-Step programs for bringing the awareness of resentment to my consciousness. Being free of resentful thoughts is an ongoing practice for me. 

    Resentment and blaming (R&B) go hand-in-hand, and I feel like I have been indulging in too much of those behaviors recently. They hand our power away to whomever we are resenting or blaming. It's letting those folks "live in our heads rent free." That only exacerbates the R&B cycle. 

    I had an experience yesterday wherein an older woman had brought her mother to the dentist where I was having a filling done. The mother was apparently nearly deaf, because the daughter and hygienist kept yelling at her. This is a repeat of the behavior that was ongoing with my brother, who was hit-and-miss about wearing his hearing aids. If you have hearing loss, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! It is exhausting and unfair for those around you to have to yell because of your hearing deficiencies. 

    OK, I'm stepping down off my soapbox.

        Leta

April 17--How About Both?

Either peace or happiness, let it enfold you.  --Charles Bukowski

    Grief, losing a close family member, most definitely messes with one's peace or happiness. I can't say that I'm peaceful. I'm distracted, and there's a level of stress involved with that, as my usual ability to multi-task is currently failing me. I can't label myself as happy, though unhappy doesn't really apply. My brother has infinite peace and happiness now, and that is worthy of celebration. 

    Soon I will be attending Arlie's memorial service. There will be loads of family and friends there, some of whom I haven't seen in a while. Despite the tears, the whole shebang is based in love for this wonderful man. May I remember to let both peace and happiness enfold me and all who join me. 

        Leta

From last October's trip to England

April 16--Love Works Better

Least effort is expended when our actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love.  --Deepak Chopra

    The energy of love IS the only thing that exists. It is life itself. It is only natural that least effort would be expended when going with the true nature of creation, rather than fighting or resisting it. Let us learn this much sooner rather than later. 

    This morning I am feeling cranky about our "health care" system in the U.S. The system has become such a greedy, money-driven failure because the patient is NOT the customer, therefore NOT the top priority of the care provider. The actual customer is insurance, be it "health" insurance or malpractice insurance. The first action on any medical visit is to satisfy insurance requirements. 

    Here's my current "cranky-making" example. Because I have had my hip replaced, before I can have ANY dental procedure (yes, even cleaning), I have to take antibiotic pills an hour before the visit. I do not want to take these pills, and I am not concerned about an infection. This is strictly to "cover the dental office's ass," to satisfy insurance. They can mumble about this being good for me, but the real motivation is very clear. I DO have a choice here--I could lie about taking the pills, but that is not a good option because I am a lousy liar. 

    Let us be motivated by love, not insurance!

        Leta

April 15--Gradually Moving Forward

We place a happy life in a tranquility of mind.  --Marcus Tullius Cicero

    It's April 15, U.S. "tax day," and I don't care! It has been mighty fine this year not doing tax work. 

    Yesterday I described my grief this way: "I'm bored, I'm lonely, I'm tired and I'm sad." It seems like I get one or two things done, and then I'm shot. I'm easily distracted. I know this is all "normal," but I surely don't have to like it. 

    My niece and I have planned a trip to Chicago this summer. This will, of course, include a Cubs game at Wrigley Field (me: "died and gone to heaven.") She is rewarding herself for loving care of her mom and dad for many years. We are looking forward to traveling together a bunch after she retires from teaching in a few years, so along with our beach vacations, this is a good start. Navy Pier will be the site of fireworks on July 4, our first day in Chicago. No doubt many good memories of her mom and dad will be shared.

    My husband, with his boundless energy, installed a new storm door on our front entry. It is awesome, with a retractable screen that will allow lovely breezes to flow through our house. 

    One day at a time,

        Leta

Barney checking out
the new door

April 14--Priceless Words: I Love You

There is no way to peace, peace is the way.  --Mahatma Gandhi

    Well, war certainly is not working. Why can't our leaders, who are supposed to be intelligent (the jury is still out on that one!), see that?!?!?! 

    Dear friends have been so loving and supportive as I grieve. Several of them went together and had a bouquet of flowers sent to me. I literally cannot remember the last time I received flowers, so it is an incredible treat! Cards, texts and emails have been flowing in. I am so grateful for all the love. 

    The last thing I said to my brother was, "I love you!" He said the same back to me as I was heading out the door for what was the last time. While Sue, his wife, was still alive, she had even more health issues than Arlie, so my niece, Debi, spent a lot of time with Mom. I share my niece's favorite memory of her dad: "My most impactful memory has been the last 1 1/2 years with Dad after Mom died. We shared so many precious moments together from the agony of taking him to Walmart, to coffee and conversation by the fireplace, to hearing him say 'I love you' for the last time." 

    Even though we were not geographically close, I shall miss my bro every day!

        Leta

The lovely flowers I received 😂

April 13--From Here to There

You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.  --Amy Poehler

    A phrase I repeat often is "Ya gotta start somewhere." I think too-lofty goals kill many a project. Take exercise for example. If you have not moved much in the past few years, you probably cannot comfortably hike several miles, but you can walk to the end of the driveway and back. 

    As I continue to love up my brother who just passed, I see that this quote most certainly applies to my next tribute to him. He was an active member of Alcoholics Anonymous for several decades. Entry into a 12-Step program requires at its very foundation a recognition of where you are (hopeless addict) in order to get where you need to go (productive human in recovery). Arlie's family has no idea of how many other alcoholics he helped, but I would guess it numbers in the dozens. He was a self-admitted tough sponsor, because that's how he was sponsored. To the very end of his life, his most sought-after activity outside his care home was going to a meeting. I was honored to attend several with him, and being a recovering addict myself, even though not an alcoholic, the group members welcomed me with open arms, just because I am "Arlie's sister." Many AA members showed up at the memorial service for Arlie's wife, and I expect there will be even more at Arlie's celebration. 

    Generosity of Spirit--that was Arlie.

        Leta

Arlen Miller, Army Ranger
(and very handsome!!)

April 12--Long Time Love

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday.  --A. A. Milne

    For sure this sounds like something Winnie the Pooh would say. When I am walking my dog Barney, and he is pulling hard to get somewhere, I tell him, "We're gonna get there, hang on."

    Amongst the sadness and activity of my brother's passing, today we celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary. We had a lovely Italian dinner last night. My husband is going to commemorate the event by installing a new storm door on the front of our house. I truly appreciate his love of projects. 

    My brother Arlie and his wife Sue were married for 61 years. They brought a daughter and two sons into the world. The beach was always a favorite vacation spot, and I was blessed to be included in many of those adventures. My brother often stated that his purpose in life was to take care of Sue, and he did a super job of that. It was not hard to see Arlie's enthusiasm for life take a sharp decline when Sue passed in September of 2022. 

    More memories, more love,

        Leta

Arlie and Sue on their wedding day, June 1961